


Poetic Tragedy

by Crossbows_and_moonshine



Category: Boondock Saints (Movies), The Boondock Saints RPF
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-04-24 14:33:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19175287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crossbows_and_moonshine/pseuds/Crossbows_and_moonshine
Summary: Madeleine Ryan hasn't had a good life. Now a homeless recovering addict, the MacManus boys take it upon themselves to try and help her. Murphy/OC/ConnorRead author note.





	1. Chapter 1

**So...uh… Yeah, this happened. I was in the middle of writing chapter 13 of Blood in the Water, the sequel to Such a Softer Sin, and this idea hit me and I had to get it down. No idea where I’m going with this or how long it will be, just kinda riding this one out looool.**

 

**Pre BDS because I’m obsessed apparently. I’ll get to the other like 7 BDS fics I’ve started eventually, I haven't even posted most of them yet :’)**

**MurphyxOCxConnor. I just can't write about one anymore apparently, I love them both too much.**

**Halp.**

**I'll warn you right now, it's a sad one and there's warnings for talk of addiction and mentions of suicide.**

**The title of this fic was once again inspired by a song by The Used - Poetic Tragedy, it inspired my new OC Madeleine (I genderbent the lyrics lololol).**

**_Then in violent, frustration, she cries out to God or just no one_ **

**_Is there a point to this madness and all that she was..._ **

**_Is just a tragedy_ **

**\--------------------------------**

The streets of South Boston were bitter with the harsh wind, winter was coming and that meant trouble for all of those that had no homes. Madeleine Ryan was one of those poor homeless souls. This life wasn’t new to her though, she had been homeless since she ran away at 15. Her mother was a prostitute, a junkie to top it all off. Madeleine had put up with a lot in her young years, but coming home from school to see her mother lifeless on the mattress she slept on, vomit from her mouth, well that shit doesn't leave you. Her mother had overdosed on heroin, and the state was about to take custody of her. She wasn't stupid, she knew that spelled trouble for her, she had known people from the system. So she fled. Life on the streets was hard, but it could have been worse for her in the system. One girl she knew from school got molested by her foster father, and Madeleine wasn't about that shit. 

She was 20 now, or at least she thought she was, keeping track of birthdays wasn't really important now. She was nobody, she was a ghost. She didn't know what date it was, she had no clue. She had to use the weather to gauge what month it was and the only way she knew the time is if she managed to get a glimpse of a clock somewhere. She was a petite girl, lack of nourishment had left her on the smaller side, she was still a growing girl when she had taken up this life. Her long brown hair was a tangled mess in a bun that she was sure had been in for well over a year. She was filthy, she hadn't been able to bathe in far too long. The Catholic church sometimes held days where they fed the homeless, let them use the facilities to get cleaned up. It had been at least a year and she felt disgusting. But this was just how it was now. Looks weren’t a priority anymore, survival was.

Her once bright blue eyes were dulled down to more of a grey, the life had been sucked out of her living on the streets. She had seen things she never wished she had, done things she would never utter, just to survive. By the age of 16 she was addicted to the same drug that had taken her mother's life, she had sold herself to feed her addiction, losing her virginity to some old dude for $10. She had been a mess, in trouble with the law way too much, but when she got to the age of around 18, she realised she couldn't carry on that way. She was haunted by the image of her mother's dead body and she didn't want to end up the same way, getting knocked up by a customer, killing herself accidentally. That wasn't the life she wanted. She was on the straight and narrow now, she didn't steal anymore or sell her body, she had been clean for two years which was a feat considering she was faced with temptation every day. But she wanted more for herself, even if that was just still on the streets, but not sinking so low. 

She was wearing a dark green chunky sweater but it did little to stave of the cold that was seeping into her bones, it was getting dark now and it would only get colder. The jumper was much too big for her and was covered in dirt and holes, much like her jeans. Her sneakers were beat up to hell and were a size too small, but it was better than no shoes at all. She had a thin blanket and she wrapped it around herself tighter to try and warm up, but it was no use.

She had been in this current spot for a week before, but she had moved a few nights ago somewhere else and it didn't end well for her, so now she was back here. She moved around a lot to stop to cops bitching at her, and this place seemed decent enough. It was the Irish part of Southie, people tended to be more generous here and she felt somewhat safer. No one harassed her here or hurt her, so when she left and found another spot, it didn't surprise her too much when she had the shit kicked out of her and had her money stolen by some addicts. The was the night before, and now she was back next to the Irish pub she felt safest at. Her cup was empty, a painful reminder of how she had let her defenses slip. It wasn't much that they had taken, but it was the money she would have used for food, and now she had nothing. Her stomach was growling painfully and she sighed, resting her forehead on her knees. It was times like this when her past haunted her, reminding her of how easy it was for her to earn money from her body and be able to buy food. But she didn't want to sink back to that, she would rather starve than degrade herself that way ever again.

She heard some voices and glanced up, seeing two men walking down the street, she recognised them. They had never exchanged words, but the boys always gave her some money as they went past before slipping into the pub every night. When they got to her, they were bantering as they usually did, she wondered if they were brothers by the way they carried on at each other. They reached into their pockets, the brown-haired one letting his smoke dangle from his lips but when he glanced at her, a deep frown etched into his usually boyish features. 

“Fuckin’ Christ.” He muttered as he took his smoke in his hands and used the other to smack the dark blonde's chest. The man looked to the darker haired boy confused, huffing a _‘the_ _fuck?’_ ,  before he looked at the girl, his own frown taking over his face. Madeleine was confused for a minute before she realised her face was most likely bruised. It wasn't like she had seen herself in the mirror.

The blonde one crouched down in front of her and she just blinked at him, the closeness was unsettling her. He reached out like he meant to take her chin, maybe to get a good look at the damage but she looked down, avoiding his grasp and putting off a definite vibe of don't fucking touch. They might have been decent enough to give her money when they saw her, but she knew better than to trust just anyone. He seemed to take the hint, standing back up and looking at her apologetically. The brown haired one was still watching her looking troubled.

“They take yer money?” The darker haired one asked, nodding his head to her empty cup. By the time they always saw her she usually always had at least something in it. She wouldn't look at them or speak, she just nodded. Their concern was making her feel uncomfortable, she wasn't used to anyone giving a shit about her. They muttered to each other in another language and they sounded tense, it only made her even more uncomfortable. 

They looked back at her and she was still sat there, pulling the blanket tight around herself and unable to look at them. She was shocked when one of them put a $10 bill in her cup. She looked up just in time to see it was the blonde one and the other one followed suit, putting in another $10 bill in the cup. She furrowed her brows, confused why they seemed to want to help her so much but she tried to ignore it, she didn't want to seem ungrateful. 

“Thank you.” She whispered, her voice sounding weird even to her own ears since she rarely had the need to use it. It was the first time she’d ever uttered a word to the brothers and she was graced with matching grins. It bothered her that those grins made her feel a little weird inside. 

“Not a problem love.” The brown haired one spoke with a kind smile.

“Maybe ye should stick around this area, it's safer.” The blonde one mused, glancing around the streets. Southie wasn't the best place full stop but if anyone tried to cause shit here in the Irish neighbourhood they were in, people would intervene. The girls busted lip, bruised nose and bruised jaw looked like no one had jumped in to help her. They wouldn't be surprised if she had more bruises on her body. 

Madeleine nodded, looking back down. She didn’t like staying in one place for too long but he had a point, it was only when she left this area for another this happened. She had been here for a week successfully with no problems before that. Maybe she would stick around here until the cops started to hassle her. 

When it became clear the girl didn't want to talk, they gave her nods and went on their merry way to the pub. Madeleine glanced at the money, taking it and putting it in her pants pocket. She didn't want anyone seeing it and trying to take it, she felt more on guard now after what happened the night before. It had been years since she had been mugged like that and she was a little shaken up. She wasn't sure how much time had passed, maybe a couple of hours, when the darker haired boy stepped outside, lighting a smoke. He was swaying on his feet a little, seemingly intoxicated. He glanced over at her and she just watched him carefully as he grinned, sauntering over. 

“Heya love, mind if I sit?” He asked, not really waiting for an answer as he plonked himself down on the sidewalk next to her. She felt awkward, she wasn't used to making conversation and she hadn't expected anyone to just waltz up to her and sit with her. People usually avoided the homeless, they didn't go sitting with them. They were silent for a moment as he smoked, his back against the wall as they sat side by side. She wasn't really sure why he wanted her company.

“Ye pocketed that money?” He asked curiously, casting a side glance at her. She nodded feeling mildly perturbed he had figured that out, even in his inebriated state.

“Aye, good girl. Don't need a repeat o’ what happened te ye.” He frowned, discarding his smoke once he was done with it. He shifted to sit facing her and she blinked at him. Physical contact with humans wasn't something she was used to, it had been a few years since anyone had touched her with exception of the night before, but she liked to think punches didn't count. The man seemed to have no boundaries. He took her chin in his hand, much like the other boy wanted to do before, and she tensed. He either didn't notice or he ignored it as he tilted her head one way, then another, assessing her injuries with a frown.

The pub door opened and closed once more and her eyes looked over to see the blonde one, she couldn't turn her head fully since the darker haired boy still had a hold of her face. 

“Fuckin’ hell Murph, I leave ye alone for a minute and yer harassin’ the poor thing.” The blonde huffed, staggering over, he seemed more drunk than ‘Murph’ did. He released her face then, looking a little apologetic, like he only just realised in his alcohol-soaked mind he had been touching her.

“Fuck off Connor, was just checkin’ her over.” Murphy scowled, seemingly in jest though as ‘Connor’ sat down next to him, the both of them now facing her. Awkward seemed to be the theme of the day for her apparently. Connors' eyes glanced to her once again empty cup and his eyes widened almost comically.

“Christ! Have ye been mugged again?!” He asked incredulously and she couldn't help it when her lips quirked up in a small smile. He really was drunk. Murphy snorted at him, reaching out and smacking him around the head playfully.

“She’s put it in her pocket ye dumb shite, ain't gonna leave it out for everyone te see is she? She’s much smarter than that.” Murphy grinned, making her blush a little at the compliment. He caught her eyes and gave her a cheeky wink and she bit her lip, looking down so he couldn't see her pink cheeks.

Connor smacked Murphy's head in retaliation with a huff.

“Ain’t a dumb shite, I’m a drunk shite, there's a difference.” He declared as he pointed at him, looking back to the girl and flashing her a grin. They definitely had to be brothers with the way the pair were with each other. 

“So girl, ye know our names by now, what's yers?” Murphy asked curiously as he looked at her. She chewed the inside of her cheek, no one ever asked her name, her name didn't matter out here where she was a nobody. Yet these two were looking at her so intensely like her name was the most important thing they'd ever know. It was making her feel uncomfortable and awkward again, she was used to being invisible.

“Madeleine.” She whispered softly, pulling the sleeves of her oversized jumper over her hands in a comforting way. 

“Well Madeleine, me lovely lass, it's a pleasure te meet ye. Sorry ye have the displeasure o’ meetin’ me dumb shite brother over here.” Murphy smirked, full on laughing when Connor hit him again. 

“Ignore him Madeleine, he’s just sour that I’m the older brother.” Connor grinned triumphantly. She looked at them, once again amused at their antics, it distracted her from feeling out of place and having too much attention when their attention was focused on hitting each other. 

“Fuck you, I’m the oldest and ye know it.” Murphy huffed, making Madeleine tilt her head curiously at them, how would they not know? 

Connor caught her confused look and smiled at her.

“We’re twins lass, our Ma won’t tell us who the oldest is, even though everyone knows it's me.” He snickered, making Murphy roll his eyes. 

“Listen here, Maddie’s a clever girl, she knows I’m the most reliable o’ the two o’ us. I knew what she’d done wit’ the money and yer the dumb shite that thought she’d been mugged again, I think we know who she’s more likely te listen te.” Murphy insisted with a lopsided grin. She blushed lightly again at the nickname, no one had ever called her a nickname. This was all new to her and honestly a little weird.

The boys carried this on for what felt like forever, just bantering with each other and trading insults. It was as if they read her well, knowing she was too shy and withdrawn to partake in a conversation, so they spoke enough for the three of them, keeping her amused as she watched them. She wasn't sure how long had passed when the pub door opened again and this time a guy with shaggy hair and a beard came stumbling out.

“Rocco!” The boys exclaimed gleefully in unison, making Madeleine snort lightly to herself. The man in question turned to look at them, a huge grin spreading on his face.

“Fuck guys! It’s damn near been an hour, everyone's wonderin’ where you got off to.” He said as he walked over, well as good as he could with how much he had drank. His eyes fell to the girl then and she felt awkward and lowered her head. He didn't make a comment though, it might have had something to do with the pointed looks the boys were giving him.

“We’ll be right in Roc.” Connor smiled, making the man nod and grin before he went back inside. She felt a pang of something that was unfamiliar with the thought of once again being on her own. She was used to being alone so she wasn't sure why the thought of the boys going was so unappealing. It wasn't like she had even contributed to the conversation, it was just nice to have company and it had been amusing for her to watch them interact. She hadn't smiled in a long time, and the both of them had made her smile a lot in the time they had sat with her. The boys watched her for a moment before glancing to each other, and she could have sworn it was like they were talking through that look. 

“Why don’t ye come in wit’ us lass? Get a nice warm drink in ye and some food?” Connor suggested. Her eyes widened at the suggestion and the boys noticed how they darted to the door and back down to her hands. It was too crowded in there. Homeless people weren't really welcome anywhere, she’d been tossed out of numerous places. She was embarrassed if she was honest, she was more than aware she was filthy and looked a mess, she wasn't sure how the boys standed to look at her.

“What if we went and got ye somethin’ te eat and brought it out here for ye? Would that make ye more comfortable?” Murphy asked softly as he looked at her with a small comforting smile. Once again he seemed to read her pretty well, the boy was astute even when drunk. She thought about it for a moment, still not understanding why they were helping her or why they had chosen to just spend an hour talking to her and keeping her company, but they were offering a meal, an actual meal, and it felt too good to pass up. 

“Yes please.” She smiled, her voice still small and almost timid like she was afraid to use it. 

The boys exchanged a glance again and Murphy stood up, patting his brother on the back before going inside. She blinked to Connor wondering why he had chosen to stay sat there with her and not go into the warmth. 

“Aren’t ye cold lass?” He asked looking concerned as he reached out and rubbed the blanket between his thumb and finger, like he was testing the thickness. The frown on his face told her he wasn't stupid even if he was drunk, the blanket was thin and wasn't doing much to help with the weather. She shook her head, outright lying to him and he squinted.

“Bullshit, this might as well be made o’ toilet paper.” He huffed, reaching out and taking her by surprise as he grabbed her hand, his eyes widening when he felt how cold it was.

“Fuckin’ hell lass, ye feel like an ice cube!” He frowned, taking both of her hands in his, rubbing them to warm him up. She was surprised at how warm he was. He was wearing his coat but it was still cold yet his hands were lovely and warm. 

She felt weird at the physical touch, but the warmth felt too good for her to pull away. She just watched him carefully as he brought their hands up to his mouth and he blew on them, making even more warmth seep into her cold hands. She wasn't sure how long they sat like that for in comfortable silence before Murphy suddenly came back out with a steaming bowl of something and a cup of something hot. Connor let go of her hands, giving her a beaming smile as Murphy sat back in his place, a matching smile like he was so proud of himself for getting her something to eat and drink.

“Hot chocolate and some good old Irish stew, it’ll warm ye right up.” He grinned, handing her the bowl and setting her cup down on the floor. 

“Thank you.” She smiled, enjoying the heat the bowl was giving her. It smelt amazing, she only ever managed to buy herself something small and cheap, she hadn't had anything cooked like this in far too long. In her most desperate times she had rummaged through dumpsters for leftover food she could eat. The pair of them were watching her and she just looked back, blinking at them and wondering if they were going to stare at her whilst she ate, she fucking hoped not. As if they got the message, they turned to each other and they started to talk in another language. 

She wasn't sure if it bothered her, not knowing what they were saying, but their body language was relaxed and she just started to eat her food. She ate it slowly, not used to such food and her stomach was pretty small by this point. She was struggling to finish it but she forced herself to. She wasn't sure when she’d get another meal like this and she knew better than to waste it. When she was done, she set the bowl down and took the cup, sipping it slowly. She closed her eyes, relishing the taste. She hadn't had a hot chocolate since she was a child, this really was a treat. When she opened her eyes she found the boys watching her with goofy grins and she blushed, looking down.

“It's good aye? Doc makes a mean hot chocolate.” Murphy smiled widely at her, she chanced a glance at him and smiled softly with a nod. The boys didn't seem to phased with her lack of conversational skills, they didn't force small talk on her and were more than happy to carry the conversation themselves and she was grateful. This whole experience was a little overwhelming. Rocco came back out, shouting to the boys that people were waiting on them for a game of pool and she felt that disappointment again. The boys sighed and muttered something to each other she couldn't understand before looking back at her.

“Will ye be alright?” Connor asked, actually looking concerned. She nodded, mustering up a grateful smile, they had done a lot for her after all. They didn't seem satisfied but when Rocco came out once more, they grumbled to themselves and stood up. They looked down at her, almost like they wanted to say something but they seemed to think better of it, just giving her a smile and wave before they headed back inside. 

She breathed a sigh of relief, as much as she enjoyed their company, it had been taxing and totally new to her, she wasn't used to this attention from anyone. She was grateful for the food, for the company and the fact they had made her smile, but she would much rather continue to be a ghost. Having no one notice she existed. For the first time in a very long time, she felt the weight of being alone. She sighed to herself, laying down and curling into a ball, her back to the wall. Hours later, she heard the boys on their way home, singing obnoxiously and laughing. She didn't open her eyes but she smiled to herself as she slipped back off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Wake up calls and rain**

 

**\-----------------------------------**

The next morning Madeleine was lay curled up in a ball, the blanket pulled right over her head like a protective shield as she was in a deep sleep. The blanket was suddenly pulled from her face and she woke with a start, flinching away and banging her head against the brick wall behind her.

“Ow! Fuck!” She whined, wincing as she tried to open her eyes in the bright light of the morning sun.

“Fuckin’ hell Murph.” She heard from somewhere, she jumped when a hand rubbed the spot where she banged her head. Her bleary eyes finally adjusted to the light and she saw Murphy crouched next to her, looking sheepish.

“Sorry girl, didn’t mean te startle ye. Just wanted te check ye were still breathin’.” He grimaced, looking guilty. She just blinked at him for a minute as she tried to wake up. She was suddenly very conscious of the fact her hair probably felt greasy as shit and it was filthy, it didn't seem to phase him though as he continued to rub the sore spot on her head. 

She moved to sit up, rubbing her eyes and he moved away and stood, she noticed his brother stood with him then looking down at her concerned. She didn't understand, she had never seen them in the morning before, she only ever saw them when they came to the bar.

“We were on the way te work and we thought we’d get ye some breakfast.” Connor smiled, handing her a takeout tray that had a cooked breakfast inside. She was still half asleep and just looked at it for a second.

“And coffee.” Murphy chimed in, grinning as he set the cup next to her. She looked from the food and to the boys and blinked slowly. The fact they never came this way told her this was out of their way, rather than on their way to work. So for some reason they had come all this way to feed her, once again their concern unsettled her.

“I...Uh...Thank you.” She mumbled, not wanting to seem ungrateful, they were feeding her after all. They grinned to each other and then back to her, she almost snorted at them, they looked weirdly proud of themselves. It bothered her a bit that she felt like some kind of charity project for them or something, but could she really complain if they were keeping her fed? 

“We can’t stay and chat, we have te get te work.” Connor sighed, looking somewhat regretful.

“We’ll see ye tonight aye?” Murphy finished, flashing her a warm smile. She just nodded, wondering when she had acquired some new friends, it was strange. They bid her goodbye and were once again off. She looked back down at the food, it smelt good and she started to dig in, happy for some more good food to fill her belly. When she was done, she sipped her coffee and just sat there, letting it warm her. She was caught off guard by her own excitement to see the twins later that night and she frowned to herself, she didn't get attached to anyone, why was she feeling like this? 

The day passed without event but around 8pm it started raining heavily. She hadn't seen the boys yet, they usually got here around 9. She was soaked and shivering and she decided she couldn't stay there anymore, she would catch her death in this. She grabbed her backpack that held the meager contents of her life and pulled the blanket over her head, not that it did much good since her hair was soaked already. She ran to the church for shelter, knowing they would be open and it would be the one place she wouldn't be kicked out of. She had come here a few times when she needed to seek shelter and the priest never bothered her, she was grateful. 

She sat on a pew just staring at the huge statue of Jesus for a while. She wasn't overly religious, it was hard to be with everything she had endured in her life. She was a sinner anyway by all accounts, she was surprised she hadn’t burst into flames setting foot in the place. She was shivering and cold and it was making her tired. She ended up going into a confessional, closing the door and curling up against the corner. It would be warmer in here and she was out of the way of prying eyes, it would do for the night.

The next morning she was still huddled in the confessional, still damp and shivering in her sleep. The door opened and the noise made her yelp.

“What the hell? _Maddie_?” She squinted as her eyes adjusted only to see Murphy for the second morning in a row, looking at her incredulously. He turned and shouted his brother and then Connor came over, Murphy shifting a little so they could both look at her through the door.

“Ye get yerself lost or somethin’ lass?” Connor asked amused, quirking a brow at her. She looked down, blushing a little as she stood up, the blanket still around her shoulders. The boys had only ever seen her sat down and although they could see she was skinny, when she stood up it was really obvious just how skinny she was. They didn't comment though, just glancing to each other concerned. She was still wet and she looked at them, waiting for them to move so she could get out of the booth. It took them a moment to realise and they quickly moved out of the way, letting her out.

“We wondered where ye were last night, got worried ye left again and got yerself in trouble.” Murphy frowned, making her avoid his eyes. Why were they so bothered about what happened to her? It was obvious given the state of her she had gotten caught in the rain and tried to find somewhere dry to stay. Connor regarded her for a moment, scratching his chin.

“Alright, I think ye should come wit’ us te get breakfast.” He said, giving her a reassuring grin. He assumed she hadn't eaten since the food they had brought her the morning before. She swallowed thickly, feeling uncomfortable. She didn't really feel like she could say no after all they had done for her and make her seem rude and ungrateful.

“They won’t let me in.” She said shyly, still avoiding their eyes as her cheeks heated up. The boys looked to each other with a frown, her words sinking in.

“We know the owners, they won't have an issue since yer wit’ us.” Murphy stated firmly, sounding 100% confident in what he said. 

Madeleine looked at him for a moment then to his brother, relenting with a nod and a sigh. She was hungry and if she was honest, she had missed their company. She balled up her wet blanket and stuck it in her backpack, tossing it over her shoulder. She kept her head down as they walked to the diner, she didn't want to see the looks people gave her, she was well aware of the state of her. Her clothes filthy, stained and holey, her hair a damp mess on her head. Her face was still bruised up too which didn't help her any at all. The boys bickered playfully back and forth trying to get her to smile and succeeding a few times and they finally got to the diner. She trailed in behind them, her eyes still glued to the floor. The boys sat in a booth next to each other and Madeleine took the seat in front of them, setting her backpack next to her.

Murphy slid the menu to her and she chanced a glance at him, he gave her a sympathetic smile, seemingly sensing how nervous she was. She nibbled her lower lip as she looked the menu over, settling on some toast since it was the cheapest thing on there. She looked to Murphy shyly, pointing to the toast and he squinted at her, Connor looking over and doing the same.

“Nice try lass, it’s on us, get anythin’ ye want.” Connor said firmly, giving her a look that told her not to argue. Her cheeks heated up a little as she looked back at the menu. The pancakes looked good and she tried to ignore the price. She was costing them a fortune already with the money they had given her and the food they were buying her, she felt like a burden. She pointed to the pancakes and Murphy beamed a smile at her.

“Much better, I think I’ll have some meself.” He grinned, glancing to his twin.

“Aye, meself as well.” Connor muttered, setting his menu down and looking at her and giving her a kind smile. 

He waved the waitress over, she was an older woman and she smiled at them all.

“Morning boys, what will it be?” She asked kindly, she seemed familiar with the pair Madeleine noticed, they probably came here a lot.

“Three lots o’ pancakes please Joan.” Murphy beamed at her, making the woman smile and jot it down on her pad.

“And three cups o’ coffee.” Connor added, giving the older woman his own smile. Madeleine was looking down at her hands, fiddling with her fingers feeling out of place until the woman had gone. The place was pretty full and she was feeling anxious. 

“We missed ye last night lass, Murph was worried somethin’ fierce when ye weren’t there. I told him ye probably went te get out o’ the rain but he didn’t listen.” Connor said casually, glancing to his brother with a smirk.

“Fuck you, ye were worried too ye  _ eejit _ !” Murphy scowled as he clipped his brother around the ear. Connor squinted at him. Madeleine blushed, looking at them amused. Their bickering made her smile. It was strange to her though how they worried, and openly too, just telling her about it like it was a normal thing to worry about some random homeless girl they met. They continued their banter once more until the waitress walked over with the food. The boys were swearing at each other now as Madeleine watched them with a smile.

“Hey now boys, watch your mouth around the young lady.” Joan chided playfully, making them shut up quickly and look repentant.

“Sorry Joan.” They said in unison, Madeleine bit her lip so she didn't laugh, they looked like young boys who had been scolded by their mother.

She was halfway through her pancakes when she noticed an older man who kept glaring at her from the other side of the small diner, it was making her uncomfortable and she lowered her eyes as she continued to eat. 

“Wow, they’ll really let anyone in here huh?” The man asked loudly, making sure she heard him. Her hand stilled and she tensed, her face turning crimson as the shame reared its ugly head. She knew she shouldn't have come here. The boys turned around to look at the man, matching scowls on their faces.

“Aye, they do let any old _prick_ in here don’t they?” Murphy spat, looking at the man pointedly. The man looked at him, looking somewhat nervous at the brothers' angry faces and he shut up, going back to eating his food. 

Despite the brothers standing up for her, the damage had been done. She felt embarrassed and ashamed and she felt bad for even being around them, having them be associated with the likes of her. She could feel a panic attack coming on, she pulled one of the $10 bills out of her pocket she had not yet used and she put it on the table, not waiting to see the boys confused faces before she got up and all but ran out of the diner. She clutched the strap of her backpack tight as she walked briskly, weaving in and out of people. She could hear her name being called faintly but it got louder along with the sound of boots hitting the pavement. The boys caught up with her, Connor grabbing her arm and spinning her to face them. They were both breathless and she looked to the floor as she took a step back out of his grasp, not comfortable with him touching her. 

“Ye didn’t need te listen te him Maddie, He’s a dick who doesn't know shit.” Murphy stated firmly, looking at her concerned. 

“He had no right te say that shit te ye lass, or te run ye outta there.” Connor added, watching her carefully. 

She shifted on the spot, too ashamed to even look at them and the boys glanced to each other, hating the way she was so embarrassed. 

“Look, we’ve got the day off and we were just gonna hang out at ours for a bit. Ye wanna come wit’ us?” Murphy asked, making her look at him and he gave her a boyish smile. She nibbled her lower lip, wincing at she bit as the cut was still there as she mulled it over, trying to figure out of she could trust them enough. They hadn't really given her a reason not to trust them as of yet so she relented, nodding. It beat sitting there in the street doing nothing. The boys gave her beaming smiles and led her to their place, continuing their usual banter. 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**The loft and bonding.**

 

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She didn't really know what to expect, they were young guys, but illegal loft housing wasn't really what she had in mind. It made her feel a little better if she was honest that they didn't have some swanky ass apartment. The place was a mess, but the boys didn't feel the need to explain it was a roof over their heads so it was better than nothing, they felt like that might have been taken as them rubbing it in if they did. They knew she got it without words.

“Would ye like te take a shower lass? The waters a bit o’ a pain in the ass, but yer more than welcome te.” Connor offered politely. She glanced to the showers, noticing they were out on the open and then glanced back to the brothers warily.

“We’d step outside, obviously...whilst ye...showered.” Murphy added almost awkwardly and she guessed she must have been seeing things because it looked like he was blushing. She looked back to the shower again. She knew she needed one, she felt disgusting and she could really do with sorting her hair out before it got to the point it would need shaving off. She nodded, giving them a shy smile.

“Do ye have any clean clothes te wear after?” Murphy asked, making her look down as her cheeks flamed, once again embarrassed at the state of herself. The boys caught the look on her face.

“Fuckin’ hell, I didn't mean...I just meant yer clothes aren't in the best condition...fuck...I just... _ Connor _ .” Murphy looked to his brother pleadingly, almost desperate as he knew his words were just digging himself a bigger hole and Connor had to hide his amusement at his brother's misfortune.

“What me brother is  _ tryin’ _ te say lass is, we have some shit ye can wear if ye want. The buildin’ has a washer in the basement, we’d be more than happy te take yer clothes and put them in the washer whilst yer showerin’.” He smiled, making Murphy glance to her pitifully like he was scared he had upset her. She was embarrassed, but it wasn't like he was wrong. Her clothes were filthy and it didn't make sense to get herself clean and just put dirty clothes back on. She was grateful for the chance to clean her clothes and herself.

“Thank you.” She smiled, pulling her spare clothes out of the bag. She only had the jeans and jumper she had on and a few more t-shirts. All of which were in a bad state. Murphy went over to a beat-up set of drawers and pulled out some sweat pants and a black long sleeve tee, placing them on the mattress closest to the shower. 

“I uh… should I...hand you my clothes through the door when I get undressed?” She asked shyly, feeling awkward yet again. It was hard for her to believe she was once a girl that sold herself willingly and could seduce a man for money, she was so awkward now. Without alcohol or drugs in her system to give her confidence, she didn't know what to do with herself. The boys nodded, looking a little awkward themselves and they left the loft. She stripped out of her clothes, blushing at the thought of the boys seeing her underwear, she stuffed them in the middle of the bundle of clothes, hopefully they would just chuck the whole thing in and not look. She stood behind the door, hiding behind it as she held the clothes out. A hand took it, the hand tattoo told her it was Connor. She shut the door again and waited for a minute, when she heard the elevator she felt safe. 

She made her way to the shower and turned it on. The water was cold but she didn't care, she didn't want to waste any time, she knew it would take long enough to get herself fully clean and wash her hair. On the floor of the shower she noticed some things. A few razors, shower gel, even shampoo. She smirked when she picked up the shampoo, for some reason it made her snort that the boys used actual shampoo, it was strawberry scented too. She set to work, scrubbing her body and blanching at the colour of the water as it swirled down the drain, she really was filthy. She then set to washing her hair. She took her hair tie out and it was a tangled mess. She washed it anyway, it would be easier to brush it once it was wet, she hoped the boys had a brush or a comb. She detangled as much as she could with her fingers and washed and rinsed it five times until it felt clean. 

She eyed the razor, she hated the feeling of hairy legs and armpits but it was how she had to live now, she didn't want to pass up this opportunity, she didn't know if the boys would let her use the shower again. She would just give them money to pay for the razor. She picked it up, using the shower gel to lather herself up and soon enough, she was hair free and felt better than she had in a long while. She turned the shower off and dried herself with the towel, rubbing her hair with it too so it wasn’t ringing wet. She got dressed, the sweat pants were big but she pulled the drawstring, making them fit better so they didn't slide off her hips. The shirt swallowed her whole and she hoped it wasn't noticeable she wasn't wearing a bra. 

She walked over to the door and could hear the boys on the other side talking in hushed tones in another language, she opened it before walking away, letting them know they could come in. She picked up the towel again and dried her hair a little more. The boys walked in hesitantly, like they were afraid they'd walk in on her showering. Their eyes widened a little when they saw her, she looked much different when she wasn't covered in dirt and with her hair down. It suited her. She wasn't really looking at them to notice the way they looked to each other and then back at her.

“Do you guys have a brush or something? My hairs really tangled.” She sighed, saying the most she had probably ever said to them. They smiled to themselves hoping she was warming up to them. 

“Aye, I have a brush somewhere, give me a sec.” Murphy said, walking over to the drawers and rummaging around in one that sounded like it had all sorts of random shit in it. He pulled out a brush and grinned triumphantly and she snorted a little, making both boys smile. Murphy handed her the brush and she smiled gratefully at him.

The boys went and sat on their respective mattresses and she opted to sit on the couch, not really knowing where else to sit. She started trying to work the brush through her hair but it kept getting stuck and it was frustrating her.

“C'mere.” Murphy said, gesturing with his head to sit with him. She looked confused but complied, and when she got to the mattress, he pulled her to sit, maneuvering her to sit facing away from him in front of him, now facing his brother instead. Murphy took the brush from her hand and started to try and brush the knots out carefully. It felt somewhat intimate, being cared for like this, she wasn't used to it and it made her heart squeeze strangely in her chest.

Connor looked at her with a kind smile, distracting herself from the slight pain in her head every time Murphy caught a knot, muttering a guilty apology when he did. He was much more gentle than she had been though.

“Tell us somethin’ about yerself lass.” Connor suggested, tilting his head as he looked at her, really able to take her in now she was fully clean, just seeing her for herself. She looked down, biting the inside of her cheek. What could she say? She was the result of her mother being a whore? A teen addict who sold herself for her next fix? A thief? No. she couldn't tell them that. 

“What do you want to know?” She asked softly, picking at her nails. Connor felt somewhat guilty now, seeing how she clammed up and wouldn't look at him. The girl was only just starting to actually talk to them and he felt like he had said the wrong thing, she clearly didn't want to talk about herself, as much as he and his brother wanted to know more about her. It was clearly too soon for her. 

“What about yer last name? Ours is MacManus.” He grinned, trying to keep things light hearted so she didn't feel pressured to open up. He didn't want her to flee like she did at the diner. Murphy's fingers in her hair felt soothing to her and she found herself relaxing a bit, which didn't go unnoticed by the darker haired twin sat behind her. 

“Ryan.” She smiled back, glad he wasn't pushing her for some life story or something. Simple things she didn't mind sharing. 

“Madeleine Ryan. It’s pretty.” Murphy hummed from behind her, making her blush slightly and bite her lip. 

“Thank you. My middle names horrible though.” She snorted, making the boys huff a laugh, they liked it when she was like this, relaxed with them.

“Come on, ye have te tell us what it is.” Connor grinned, leaning forward a little. She shook her head with a laugh, an actual laugh and the first the boys had heard. The sound made their stomachs tighten and they glanced to each other, knowing the other felt it too.

“No, I’m never telling anyone, it's awful.” She smirked, making Connor pretend to be hurt, holding a hand over his heart as his brother snorted at him. 

“Alright fine, what about yer age?” Connor asked curiously. 

“20, I think.” She replied, making the boys furrow their brows a little.

“Ye think?” Connor asked, quirking a brow at her. She chewed her lip a little and shrugged, trying to focus on the feeling of Murphy sorting her hair out.

“Birthdays don't really matter anymore, I don't even know what date it is.” She said softly. The boys felt bad for her, they couldn't say they knew what it was like living rough like that.

“It's November 3rd 1997.” Connor supplied, making her glance at him with a nod. 

“I guess I turned 21 last month then.” She snorted, there was no mirth in her tone though. It only made them feel even more bad for her although they knew she wouldn't want their pity.

“How long have ye been out there for?” Murphy asked curiously as he brushed through her hair, the tangles were all gone now and he set the brush down, running his fingers through it, he was enjoying himself, she had lovely hair. 

She tensed up a little at the question and her face fell. The darker twin couldn't see since he was sat behind her but Connor did. He shot his brother a pointed look and Murphy felt a pang of guilt.

“Fuck, sorry, ye don't have te answer that.” He sighed regretfully. Madeleine picked at her nails for a moment, debating whether or not to tell them. It wasn't like it was a big deal, it was just an age, not her life story.

“Since I was 15.” She replied quietly. She was too busy staring at her hands to see the brothers' exchange horrified glances to each other.

“Fuckin’ hell Maddie, 15?” Murphy lamented, not able to stop the words coming out of his mouth. He was just too stunned to think of a girl that age living this life. 

“I don't need your pity.” She huffed, clenching her fists a little. Murphy knew he’d opened his big mouth again and Connor shot him another look.

“He doesn't mean it like that Madeleine, it's just hard te think o’ a young girl out on the streets is all.” Connor sighed, hoping to diffuse the tension before she ended up leaving. She blew out a breath, calming herself. It was a touchy subject and she just wanted it over with. The boys were good at distractions apparently, they switched to telling her about themselves and soon they had her smiling and laughing a little again, pleased at the attention being taken away from her. She was aware at that point her hair was tangle free, yet Murphy continued to play with her hair, it was strange to her but it felt nice so she didn’t comment, just enjoying the boys' stories of growing up. The walls she had built up around herself from her life in the streets seemed to be eroding in the presence of the brothers, she was warming up to them, she enjoyed their company, and she didn't know how to deal with it. It was nice not feeling so alone, but she had the deep fear that they'd leave her one day and she would once again be back on her own. Especially if they learnt about her history, all the petty crime and how low she had sunk just to get some drugs. She really hoped they would never find out about that. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Mistakes and awkwardness**

 

**\--------------------------------**

Madeleine wasn't quite sure how she had been talked into going with the boys to the pub, yet here she was, on the way. They had spent the rest of the day at the loft, the boys doing the majority of the talking once again. They had ordered take out and watched gleefully as the girl practically inhaled her food. Her clothes were washed and dried now, although they were still covered in holes and looked tatty, they were clean and for that she was grateful. She had her jeans and jumper back on now, but she didn't have a coat, she didn't own one. She had wanted to put her hair back up but her hair tie had mysteriously vanished, she didn't have another one so she was forced to leave it down. She was unaware the darker haired boy had pocketed the thing, wanting her to leave her hair down, he was more than pleased when she had no choice.

The boys had fought with each other about who’s coat she should wear on the way, but she declined. She didn't want them suffering just so she could be warm. They hadn't been happy about it but she point blank refused so they had no choice but to accept it. They had told her to leave her backpack at the loft which confused her, they usually stayed in the pub until the early hours so she presumed that meant they wanted her to go back to the loft afterwards. It didn't make sense to her, either they expected her to walk back to her spot on the street from there, or they were going to convince her to stay over. She presumed from how much they had been looking after her that it would be the latter.

She was feeling more comfortable around them, they hadn’t given her a reason not to trust them and they had been nothing but kind, but it was still taking some getting used to, having people that seemed to care so much. She wasn't quite sure just why these boys cared, but one thing she learnt about them pretty quick was, their faith was overwhelming. They were good Catholic boys, and she was well aware how the Catholic faith viewed charity and helping people, she wasn't sure how to take it. That they were helping her most likely just because their faith said they should, rather than them actually liking her. Then again, she didn't like herself either so she couldn't really blame them.

She walked in behind them, watching with wide eyes as the pub erupted into loud cheers and greetings. The boys seemed well loved in this place. It was loud and there were more people than she expected in the small pub, she started to feel a little overwhelmed. Murphy glanced behind him, noticing her panic-stricken expression as he muttered something in his brother's ear. Connor glanced to her and nodded before he waltzed off to the bar. Murphy took her elbow gently, keeping the touch light since she didn't seem too fond of physical contact, and he guided her to a booth in the corner out of the way. She was grateful the boys seemed to be able to read her well. She sat down and he sat opposite her, once again she was grateful. She didn't like feeling caged in.

Murphy gave her a reassuring smile, trying to ease her nerves, and she gave him a shy smile back in response.

“I know it’s a little loud, but they’re all good people.” He said almost apologetically, they hadn't really thought about how it would affect her being in a crowded place like this, now he felt like an ass. 

“It’s okay.” She replied softly, tugging her sleeves over her hands, Murphy noticed she did that when she was nervous. Connor came over then, three beers in his hands, and he set them on the table. She glanced to him as he left once again before coming back with three shots of what she presumed was whiskey. He settled in the booth next to his brother, letting her have her space and she breathed a sigh of relief. 

She glanced to the shot, chewing her lip. She knew she shouldn't, it wasn't just heroin she had been hooked on, she had a bit of a special relationship with alcohol too in the past and it was the one thing she tended to relapse with quite a bit. But the nerves from this place won out and she grabbed it, downing it easily. She relished the warmth that spread through her body and settled in her stomach, it was like an instant relief and she knew she was in trouble. The boys were unaware of her past afflictions and downed their shots too, taking up their playful banter as usual and she grabbed her beer, sipping on it. She was itching for something stronger again already and she was trying to fight the urge, she didn't want the boys to know of her problems, they'd surely kick her to the curb and never speak to her again.

“What do ye think about the place lass?” Connor asked with a smile before sipping his own beer. Both boys were looking at her awaiting her verdict and she shifted in her seat.

“It’s nice, just a little loud.” She admitted softly, making them both nod, she wasn't wrong. 

“Ye get used te it after a while.” Murphy said sheepishly, once again feeling a little like an asshole for not thinking about it when they brought her here. The bar erupted in more cheers and greetings and they all looked over to see the who had come in. Madeleine noticed the boys hairy friend from the other day and the boys jumped up, hugging him with cheers of their own. She couldn’t help but smile to herself seeing them so enthusiastic. 

The boys sat back down as the hairy man brought over a chair and plonked himself at the end of the booth and she was grateful he hadn't just sat down right next to her. Before the boys could say anything she noticed the man looking at her weird as he tilted his head.

“Aren't you that homeless chick from outside?” He asked bluntly, causing her cheeks to flush red. She lowered her head feeling the embarrassment work its way through her and she heard a resounding thwack, glancing up to see the Connor had hit him over the head since he was closest. Murphy was glaring at the man though and she had no doubt he would have hit him too if he could reach.

“I was about te say this is our best pal Rocco, but I’d say the consensus on that is open right about now.” Murphy deadpanned, turning to look at her with an apologetic look on his face.

“He doesn't have a filter, so ignore the shit that comes outta his mouth lass.” Connor added, squinting a little at Rocco.

“Aw fuck, I’m sorry. They're right though, my mouth has a mind of its own. I didn't mean anythin’ by it. Just almost didn't recognise you like that.” He admitted giving her a sheepish smile. She couldn't really be mad at him for just stating facts, she just hated the shame that came with the way she lived her life. She just nodded and gave him a weak smile.

“This is our girl Madeleine, and ye better watch yer mouth around her.” Connor warned as he introduced her. She noticed he called her their girl but she didn't comment, she want really sure what to say to that. It sent a warm feeling through her chest that was unfamiliar to her.

“Aye, or I’ll cut yer fuckin’ tongue out, funny man.” Murphy smirked, pointing at him. Rocco blanched a little and nodded and the boys burst into laughter.

The night wore on and the boys were a little tipsy, she noticed they seemed to be pacing themselves and she wondered if they were purposely making sure they didn't get fully drunk around her. When she usually saw them go home at night they were always three sheets to the wind, laughing, singing and just generally being obnoxious, it would always make her snort to herself. Rocco, on the other hand, was already drunk now but he was proving to live up to his name as the funny man. The boys kept her supplied with beer but they had refused to buy her another shot after the first one, much to her dismay. As Murphy put it;  _ ‘Yer a tiny little thing, we don’t want ye te get sloshed and have te carry ye home.’  _  Fair point really, she wouldn't want to babysit herself either. But the burning need for stronger alcohol was screaming through her veins now she had a taste and she kicked herself for it. 

The boys had noticed how she had withdrawn a bit since Rocco had joined them, but after a bit she was smiling again and even laughing at some of his jokes, so it wasn't too bad, even if she was being quiet. She was going through her beers like water though and they wondered if it was the nerves of being in the place. She had been shifting in her seat and fidgeting relentlessly for hours. They had tried to include her in the conversation but she would just smile and nod or shake her head. By the time midnight rolled around the boys decided to call it a night, Madeleine herself was slightly buzzed although still quiet and they didn't want to push their luck. They said their goodbyes to Rocco and she was grateful that when the drunk hairy man attempted her hug her, the boys knew she wouldn't like it. Murphy had gently taken her elbow, guiding her away and Connor put his hand on the man's chest, giving him a look that told him to back off. 

The air was much colder than on the way there and it was times like this she realised she needed a coat. She wondered about going to the church the next day and seeing if they had anything. Sometimes people donated clothes for the homeless, it was how she got her current clothes and shoes. She wrapped her arms around herself trying to fight off the cold.

“Are ye sure ye don’t want one of our coats Madeleine?” Connor asked, casting her a worried glance.

“We don’t mind, we’re warm-blooded Irish men, we’re like our own furnaces.” Murphy grinned, bumping his shoulder softly with hers. She smiled at him, remembering just how warm Connors hands had been that day he warmed her ice cold hands up. Still, she didn't want to make them freeze just for her.

“No thanks.” She mumbled, giving them both a smile. They both sighed, knowing she wouldn't budge, she was stubborn it seemed. 

Before long they were back in the loft, and despite the fact the place didn't seem to have heating, it was much warmer than outside in the cold wind. She felt awkward now she was here, unsure of what to do with herself or where she would be sleeping. She tugged at her sleeves a little and chewed her lower lip. The boys, once again taking their cue from her mannerisms, spoke up.

“Ye can take Murph's bed if ye want, he can share wit’ me.” Connor smiled warmly as he peeled his coat off, tossing it onto the couch as his brother followed suit. She blinked a little as them for a moment before back to the mattresses.

“I don't want to put you out, making you share a bed.” She frowned, looking back to them only to see them shake their heads with grins.

“We shared a womb for nine months girl, sharin’ a bed ain’t an issue. Ye can’t sleep on the fuckin’ couch, ye’ll fall down the gap.” Murphy snorted, making her cast her gaze to the couch that had definitely seen better days. She wondered if the couch cushions even belonged to that couch, they didn't seem to fit and Murphy wasn't wrong about the gap in the middle. 

She nodded reluctantly, taking the sweatpants and long sleeve shirt from earlier, they would do to sleep in. She kicked off her sneakers and went over to the bed Connor had gestured to, she sat down, pulling the blanket right over her and the boys looked on confused and amused, she looked like she was pretending to be a ghost or something. They could see her form under the blanket shifting and after a minute, she pulled the blanket off her, her clothes now changed as she set her other clothes on the floor. Their eyes widened a little as she looked at them curiously.

“That was fuckin’ magic.” Murphy muttered, sounding in awe of her and she couldn't help the snicker that left her lips. The boys seemed to snap out of it as they started to undress and she blushed, moving to lay down on her side so she wasn't just outright watching them. 

The bed obviously smelt like Murphy and she found it comforting as she wrapped the blanket tighter around herself, only her eyes peeking out. Murphy lay down in Connors bed on the side closest to her and grinned at her. He couldn't see her mouth but her eyes scrunched up slightly and he presumed she smiled back, it was adorable. Connor lay down behind his brother then as silence descended over them all. It wasn't uncomfortable though and Madeleine closed her eyes. This was the safest she had felt in years, her first night sleeping warm and with a roof over her head. She found a dull ache in her chest at the thought and she took a shaky breath.

“Thank you.” She whispered softly, making the boys glance over to her. She still had her eyes closed though. They knew just what she was thanking them for and it actually made them feel a little emotional themselves. They had no idea what the girl had been through but they knew she had been through a lot of shit if she had been on the streets since she was 15. There was something about her, something that compelled them to protect her, to want to keep her safe from harm. 

 

The boys had always tried to be charitable, as per their faith and just being good people. But seeing her with those bruises, it had stirred something inside of them that they both couldn't ignore. And without words or a conversation, they had taken it upon themselves to look after the girl. Getting to know her, being around her, it only solidified that need. They didn't really have a plan, but as long as they were around, the girl wouldn't go hungry again and they would try to convince her to stay with them for as long as she felt comfortable with. She didn't need to sleep in the cold streets anymore, not when they were willing to help her. She was still a little closed off with talking about herself, but they hoped she would learn to trust them and eventually open up to them. They wanted to help her, they felt compelled to. They knew it was the work of God within them, giving them a sign not to walk away from her. She needed help, and they were the ones to give it. They hoped with time she would stop being so skittish and they could repair any loss of faith in humanity she was clearly suffering with.


	5. Chapter 5

**Large helping of self-sabotage anyone?**

 

**\------------------------**

The next day Madeleine woke around noon to an empty apartment and a note, informing her the guys had to go to work and they would be back around 5pm. They said she could stay and make herself comfortable and help herself to any food they had. The silence unsettled her, and that in turn unsettled her more. She was used to silence, to being alone, and now the boys had barged into her life she found herself hating the silence. Her thoughts were turning on her and making her think of all the shit she had done in the past. She heaved a sigh and got herself dressed, deciding to rummage through the fridge to see what there was to eat. She snorted to herself at the lack of substance in the fridge, it didn't really surprise her much. A moldy half eaten sandwich, milk that looked about 50 years out of date, and a potato that had sprouts growing off it. Why the potato was there she didn't know, but she certainly didn't touch it, it looked like an alien. She opted then to look in the cupboard and she found a tin of soup, but as she was reaching for it, something else caught her eye. There was a half drank bottle of whiskey glaring at her and she felt her heart rate increase before she slammed the cupboard door shut and took a step back.

She knew the shot the night before was a bad idea, yet she had done it anyway because apparently, she loved to sabotage herself. Now the need for a drink was singing strong through her veins and it almost felt like a test having the bottle right there. Her appetite had vanished and she moved to sit on the beat-up couch, her leg bobbing up and down as she chewed her thumb anxiously. Her mood was rapidly going downhill. Why was she even here? She didn't deserve the kindness the boys were showing her, she was a petty criminal, a whore, a sinner by all accounts and the boys were some of the most devout people she had ever met. She felt like a fraud, like a leech, sucking them dry of their hospitality, whilst playing the part of a victim. She had done this to herself, she had chosen to run away from home, she had injected herself with that poison, no one had forced her to. She had chosen to sell herself in order to keep up her habit and she was the one who chose to drown her pain with alcohol because it was easier to cope when she was blissfully numb. She had to get out of here, she couldn't be around them, she didn't deserve it, they deserved better than her for company. She grabbed her backpack and stilled at the door, glancing back to the cupboard.

“Fuck it.” She muttered, walking over and grabbing the bottle, stuffing it in her bag before she left.

Hours later found her drunk off her ass, the bottle empty as she sat in the police station, taken in for public intoxication. 

“I’m disappointed in you Madeleine, I thought you were done with this shit.” Detective Duffy frowned at her. She had become known in her years on the street but it had been a while since she had been arrested. She didn't say a word, crossing her arms over her chest and refusing to look at him. It didn't come as a surprise, she rarely ever spoke when they brought her in, she was stubborn, even when completely drunk. She had been found stumbling along the sidewalk when they had been called to bring her in. She wasn't as drunk now, they had given her coffee and donuts to help sober her up, but she was still a little out of it. 

“Where are you staying? You're clean so I know it's somewhere, can I call someone to pick you up?” He asked, sighing as she still didn't speak. They didn't like bringing her in. She had changed her ways from the days of her stealing and selling herself, it had been hard to witness the first time she was brought in for soliciting herself when she was just 16. They all knew she was troubled. They also knew she had turned over a new leaf, apart from the alcohol it seemed. They still brought her in at least once a month for being piss drunk out in public.

He wiped a hand over his face before leaving the interrogation room where they had let her hideout, away from prying eyes. They were well aware people made her nervous. Madeleine slumped in her chair, resting her forehead on the table. She knew better than to do this, yet here she was. She just wanted to leave. The man came back after a minute and sat down looking at her strangely.

“Some Irish guy just phoned the department inquiring about a homeless girl. He and his brother are worried.” He stated, quirking a brow at her. She blanched a little, almost in shock that the boys had even bothered to call the cops, they must have been worried. 

“They’re on their way to pick you up, alright?” He smiled kindly at her, but she stood up fast and shook her head.

He frowned then, standing up himself and holding out his hands in a placating gesture.

“Madeleine, are you in trouble with these guys? Tell me if you are and they won’t get let in.” He said firmly with a frown, noticing how panicked she looked. She furrowed her brow for a moment before scoffing.

“It's not like that. They’re good people, they’ve been taking care of me.” She said softly, wringing her hands. It only confused the officer more and he frowned at her.

“Then why are you so scared? Why did you leave?” He asked watching her carefully.

“I don’t deserve their kindness.” She admitted, the alcohol loosening her lips just enough to admit such a thing. He looked at her sadly, hating that this young girl had been through so much in her life that she would think such a thing. He heaved a sigh before scratching his face.

“Just...stay here.” He commanded, leaving the room once more. Madeleine huffed, plonking back into the chair and laying her head on her arms on the table, maybe she could just nap and pretend this wasn't happening.

Duffy stood near his desk waiting for the boys to arrive when they walked in, he noticed how they looked around frantically, almost like they were really worried about the girl. It made him feel a little better about the pair of them, if they really were looking after her. Another officer lead them to him and he shook their hands, telling them to sit down. They didn't seem too pleased, just wanting to get the girl and go, but he wanted to talk to them.

“She says you’ve been looking after her? Is that correct?” He asked firmly, making the brothers glance to each other. They felt like they were being fucking interrogated a little and they didn't like it.

“Aye.” They replied in unison, making the man nod.

“Look, Madeleine...she’s a troubled girl. I don't know how much you know about her past but I’m guessing it's not a lot.” He looked at them carefully and he could tell by their blank faces he was right.

“The first time we brought her in, she was 16, done for soliciting herself. She was high on heroin too.” He said, watching as the brothers' faces fell, they glanced to each other feeling mortified. They had known she was somewhat troubled but they hadn't expected this. 

“As far as we know, she's been clean for a couple of years and she hasn't sold herself either. The only time we need to bring her in is when she gets wasted in public, it happens at least once a month. She's got an alcohol problem and it seems like that's the one thing she can't kick.” He sighed, leaning back in his chair a little. The boys looked to each other, guilt creeping in. She had an alcohol problem and they fucking took her to a pub and gave her booze. They weren't to know of course and she hadn't said anything, but maybe if they had been more careful they would have seen the signs. They weren't mad at her, they were mad at themselves. They hadn't realised just how deep the girl's troubles ran and it was no wonder if she was having to sell her body when she was still a young girl just to get by. And then there were the drugs. They were glad she wasn't using them anymore, they wouldn't have known what to do with her if she was. They really had not expected this.

When they got home from work to find her gone, they hadn't been happy, but they wondered if she would come back. She didn't though, and when Murphy looked for some food whilst they were waiting and noticed the bottle was gone, something just felt off about it all. They checked her usual spot near the pub but she wasn’t there either, there was no sign of her. They knew it was a slim chance if they rang the police, they most likely wouldn't know where she was, but they were worried about her, they wanted them to keep an eye out. They were more than shocked to find out the girl was already there, taken in for being drunk and disorderly in public. It didn't seem to fit with the quiet girl they had grown to know in the past few days.

“I’m telling you this because if you're serious about helping her, I think it would be good for her. She doesn't think she deserves your help, she told me that herself. She's been through a lot and she needs to know she matters to someone.” Duffy said seriously, making the brothers nod. They did care about her, even though they barely knew her, they did care and they would fucking help her get better. When the officer was pleased the boys understood what he was saying, he told them to wait there whilst he got her. He walked into the room and Madeleine was asleep, waking when he nudged her.

“Come on, the boys are here.” He smiled down at her. She groaned, rubbing her eyes tiredly as she stood and stretched a little. She didn't really want to face them, not when they knew now what had happened.

“You told them didn't you?” She asked with a sigh as she walked out of the room with him, still a little tipsy but no longer drunk.

“They have a right to know Madeleine if they’re taking care of you.” He admitted, glancing at her.

“Great. I didn't ask for their help.” She huffed, glaring at him. He felt a little bad but he didn't regret telling them. He needed them to understand just how bad the situation was.

She wouldn't look at them as she approached and they stood up, looking at her worried. She looked disheveled, her hair was all over and they were sure there were leaves in her hair. 

“Alright Madeleine, you're free to go.” Duffy said softly, making her turn to him and squint.

“Awesome, thanks.” She scoffed, not waiting for the boys as she made her way out of the police station. She still wouldn't look at them as they fell into step beside her and the silence was awkward, making her skin crawl.

“Go on, I know he told you.” She blurted, unable to take the silence any longer. She heard them sigh beside her.

“We’ll talk when we get back home.” Connor said firmly, making it clear she was coming with them and she didn't really have a choice. That was the second time the boys had called it home like it was her home as well and she tried to ignore the stirring of emotions inside of her.

When they got there, she tossed her backpack on the couch and sat down next to it, resting her arms on her knees as she glared at the floor. The boys went and sat on Connors bed, looking at her warily. The silence was filling her with anxiety and she felt like she might crawl out of her skin, tugging on her sleeves as she shifted in her seat.

“Is it true? What he said?” Connor asked carefully, his eyes not leaving her.

“Depends what he said doesn't it?” She asked vaguely, an edge to her voice that the boys didn't like.

“That you were an addict, that ye sold yer body when ye were just a fuckin’ kid.”  Murphy stated blandly, his anger flaring at the thought of people even paying her for that, for doing that to her. Her cheeks flushed and she clenched her jaw, staring at her hands. Her silence was enough of an answer and the boys looked to each other. 

“Why didn't ye tell us lass? Why did ye not say when we bought ye alcohol?” Connor asked sounding regretful, it only annoyed her.

“That's a joke right? If I told you then you wouldn't have bought me any, that's the point of addiction isn't it? I want it. I  _ need _ it. If I told you, I wouldn't have got any.” She snapped, standing and grabbing her bag, slinging it over her shoulder. She made her way to the door but the boys jumped up out of their seats, blocking her way.

“No, ye don't get te walk away, not this time. We want te help ye for Christ sake, is that so hard to believe?” Murphy asked with a deep frown. She finally looked at them then with a scoff and they were shocked to see just how much pain was behind her eyes.

“Yes, it is. Because no one ever helps. You two scare me, you scare me because I know you don't want anything in return like all the others have. I don't deserve anything you do for me, I’m well aware I’m a bad person, so just let me leave.” She said firmly, her eyes suddenly ablaze.

“No.” The boys frowned, not moving to let her past.

“Yer not a bad person, ye’ve been through hell and back, but look at ye, yer still standin’ lass. We won't just sit here and watch ye give up, yer better than that. Ye kicked yer drug problem and that shows ye want more for yerself. Ye don't have te do this alone, not anymore.” Connor implored, making her look to the floor. 

“You don't need to spend your time babysitting a drunk, I’ll deal with it myself.” She huffed, moving around them to to the door.

“What, like ye’ve been doin’ all this time? Ye kick it for a bit but then turn back te the bottle? Is that the kinda life ye want Maddie? ‘Cause  _ I _ sure as fuck don't want that life for ye. God sent us yer way for a reason, and if ye think for one minute we’ll let ye just fuck off and we wouldn't follow ye, then ye got another thing comin’.” Murphy declared, making her stop just before the door.

She didn't turn to face them as his words sunk in. It was so hard for her to believe that these two just wanted to help her, that God had apparently sent them to her to guide her. But when she thought about it, why did they meet? Why did they bother with her? They eased the ache of loneliness that was permanently in her chest and she had been smiling and laughing for the first time in years when she was around them. But that's what scared her, because everyone always left, she didn't want to get comfortable with them just for them to turn around and tell her she was an unworthy sinner and leave her in the dust. Connors words spun around in her head, he had told her she wasn't a bad person, but she felt like one. She wasn't sure what these boys saw in her to want to help her when she felt like such a lost cause.

Most of her was screaming at herself to stay, that these boys were her salvation, the redemption she so desperately needed. But the more stubborn side of her won out, the side that told her she didn't deserve to be saved, didn't deserve to be helped. There was nothing they could do. She would just mess up like she always did and they would get sick of her. It would hurt her less now to walk away herself than to watch them leave her. She took a deep breath before her hand turned the door handle.

“Maybe you should just pray for my soul.” She said coldly, she slipped out of the loft, leaving the boys calling out her name as she ran down the stairs.


	6. Chapter 6

**Divine intervention? Or just bad luck?**

 

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Three weeks passed that Madeleine successfully managed to avoid the twins. She knew they would make good on their promise to follow her, so she didn’t go back to her safe place by the pub, instead she went to other places. She didn't feel as safe, but she didn't care anymore. Her drinking had once again escalated, it was the cycle she usually went through. Sometimes she would go a month without a drop, she would be forced to quit because she had no money to buy some, or she had decided she needed to clean up her act, but eventually, she always started again and around in circles she went. She had lost even more weight now, she was buying booze instead of food these days, but it was hard to care when her constant state of being was intoxicated.

She missed the boys if she was honest with herself, and she regretted walking out that day. She knew they’d be mad at her now and they wouldn't ever want to help her again, she didn't deserve it anyway. But she missed them, how they'd make her smile and laugh, missed how they interacted with each other. She hated that she missed them, she never missed anyone. It was dark and she was wandering around the streets, stumbling into walls. She had returned to the place that she had been sleeping only to see it now occupied. She didn't want to start a fight, not when she was drunk, so she just walked away, hoping to find somewhere else. She wasn't an angry drunk, she was a sad drunk. It was ironic really, she drank to make herself feel better but it only made her more sad. Yet at the same time, her brain was so addled that she would forget easy enough.

The heavens opened over her and she lowered her head in defeat. Maybe she could just curl up and drown in a puddle or something? Her feet had a mind of their own it seemed and she ended up in the church once again to hide from the rain. By the time she walked in, she was sobbing and soaked wet through. She sat at a pew, shivering as her sobs echoed in the empty space for what felt like hours. She would have jumped when she felt someone next to her but she was too drunk for her brain to work properly.

“My child, what has got you so upset?” She glanced to her side to see the priest watching her worried. 

“Everything.” She sobbed, shaking her head as she wiped her eyes.

“Do you wish to talk about it?” He asked politely, looking concerned at her mental state. He could smell the alcohol on her and he had no doubt she was drunk.

“What's the point?” She lamented, lowering her head into her hands. 

“The boys are on their way, you’ll be safe soon enough.” He said softly, making her look up at him horrified.

“What?” She asked slowly, eyes wide as she looked at him.

“The MacManus brothers. They’re good men, I know you know this. They came in here weeks ago asking if you’d been by, asked us to call them if we saw you. They just want to help you.” He explained trying to be soothing. It wasn't soothing though, what was it with people getting the boys to come and get her?

She stood up and grabbed her backpack, almost falling over in the process in her inebriated state. She ran out of the church, stumbling down the steps at the front. It was still pouring down but she didn't care as her feet just took her away from the church. If she wasn't so drunk she would have realised the way she was going was the exact way the boys would be coming from their loft. It was dark and there was hardly any people about, making her think it must be pretty late, her eyes were darting everywhere at once, the alcohol just making her more paranoid as she power walked down the street. She gasped when she bumped into someone, the person grasping the top of her arms so she didn't fall right down on her ass. She blinked up at the person only to find Connor looking down at her, nothing but concern on his face as his eyes roamed her face.

“Jesus Christ Madeleine.” He whispered, looking at her pained, she looked ten times worse than the last time they saw her. She swallowed thickly and moved out of his grasp, stumbling on her feet and making it clear just how drunk she was. 

She noticed Murphy then too, looking at her with a mixture of disappointment and worry.

“She’s piss drunk.” He frowned at her, looking to his brother. He sounded a little mad. The boys just watched her for a moment as if it wasn’t pouring down with rain and she shivered, swaying on her feet as she wiped her eyes.

“Come on, ye need te come back wit’ us, we ain't leavin’ ye out here.” Connor commanded, wrapping an arm around her shoulder to guide her with them, they were worried she might fall over. She was so drunk she didn't even move away from him, she just walked along in silence.

They got to the loft relatively quickly and the boys wasted no time in shedding their soaked clothes. The put on their robes and Connor tossed her the sweats and long sleeve shirt she wore last time she had been there. They both turned around to allow her to change. It took a little longer than normal since she was so drunk and was fighting to get her clothes off, but she got there in the end. She flopped to sit on the couch and ran a hand through her wet hair.

“We’ve been worried sick about ye, where the fuck were ye?” Murphy asked harshly, glaring at her as he stood there. She felt the pang of guilt and she tried to push it away, she was fighting the tears again as she lowered her head so they couldn't see.

“Ye didn’t need te take off like that Madeleine, we’ve been out lookin’ for ye every night.” Connor sighed, looking at her sadly. It only intensified her guilt. 

“Are ye really that selfish? We told ye we worry about ye, yet ye fuck off anyway wit’out a care. And all this time ye’ve been gettin’ piss drunk out there where it's fuckin’ dangerous!” Murphy yelled, getting angry the more he thought about it, anything could have happened to her.

She looked up at him with wide eyes, she hadn't seen him like this before, she hadn't seen him shout. For someone who could look so boyish, he was pretty scary when he wanted to be.

“That's enough Murph, yer scarin’ the poor girl.” Connor chided from the side of him with a frown.

“Good! She should be fuckin’ scared! She knows better than we do the kind o’ shit that goes on out there!” He bellowed, his arms gesturing wildly to the window. He didn't understand how she could put herself in such a vulnerable position after everything she had been through, it was like she didn't care what happened to herself.

“I said that’s enough Murphy!” Connor snapped, glaring at his twin. Murphy turned to him, nostrils flaring and he shoved him with a sneer.

“Don’t ye fuckin’ get it? She doesn't care about herself or what happens te her! But  _ we _ do! I sure as fuck care about what happens te her out there! She shouldn't be goin’ about drunk off her ass and makin’ herself an easy target!” Murphy fumed, smacking his brother's hand away when he reached for him.

“I do fuckin’ get it, but shoutin’ at the poor lass isn’t goin’ te help any is it?” Connor seethed, giving his brother a pointed look.

The girl shook her head, she hated how they were fighting because of her and she sniffled, wiping her eyes as the tears finally fell again. She really was just a burden, a poison to anyone she touched, seeping into their lives and ruining it.

“Fuckin’ hell girl, please don’t cry.” Murphy frowned, feeling bad now as he and his brother looked at her. He didn't mean to upset her, he had just gotten worked up thinking of all the horrible things that could have happened to her. He looked to Connor forlornly and Connor sighed, patting him on the back. 

“I’m sorry, okay? I’m worthless and a mess and I’m fucking sorry.” She sobbed as she sat there, making the boys' hearts ache in their chests seeing her that way. They both walked over, crouching in front of her.

“Hey now, yer not worthless, far from it. If ye were, we wouldn't be so worried about ye now, would we?” Connor asked, trying to give her a reassuring smile.

“Ye are a bit o’ a mess though.” Murphy teased with a cheeky grin as he reached out and gently tugged a lock of her hair, trying to make her smile. She looked at him and snorted a little, making him feel better that he succeeded.

“I didn't mean te shout at ye, alright? I’m not mad at ye, I just...fuck girl, I was so fuckin’ worried about ye, we both were.” He admitted with a frown, making her nod and swallow thickly.

“I’m not...used to people worrying about me.” She whispered, tugging at her sleeves.

“Well, it's time ye get used te it lass.” Connor grinned at her, earning a weak smile from her.

“Listen, I don’t know about you two, but I’m fuckin’ knackered. I think we should all get some shut eye and deal wit’ this tomorrow, when were all o’ a sound mind.” Murphy said as he rubbed his eyes a little and stood up. Connor nodded, following suit and Madeleine stood up with a yawn. She had barely been sleeping since she left and she was looking forward to sleeping somewhere warm and safe for the first time in weeks. The boys went over to Connors bed and Madeleine went over to Murphy's, getting inside the covers and snuggling herself up in the way that made the boys smile. She looked like a little adorable burrito.

“Goodnight Madeleine.” They said in unison, making her grin to herself under the blanket.

“Goodnight.” She mumbled tiredly, her eyes fluttering shut as she fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Rehab with a twist**

**I wish you guys spoke to me more, I feel like you guys don't interact with me like you used to, it breaks my little black heart :'(**

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The next morning, Madeleine awoke to the smell of food, she rolled over and groaned, her head was hurting like a bitch and the events from the night before came back to her. She felt stupid and embarrassed but that was nothing new. She sat up, rubbing her eyes sleepily and she saw the twins sat at the table eating breakfast out of trays, looking like they’d been to the diner. They were dressed and seemingly wide awake and she wondered what time it was. She got up, and the boys noticed her then, looking over with smiles.

“Welcome te the MacManus rehabilitation facility. First on the agenda, breakfast.” Murphy grinned, trying to make light of the very heavy situation they found themselves in. She snorted as she sat down, still rubbing at her eyes tiredly. She reached for the cup of coffee that was set out for her and took a long gulp.

“You know this won't be any fun for you guys right? If you do this for me.” She said hesitantly, glancing from one to the other. They shared a look before looking back to her warily.

“Honestly lass, we’ve got no fuckin’ clue what we’re doin’ here.” Connor admitted sheepishly.

“But we figured, if we clear the place o’ alcohol, and don’t let ye leave...well it’ll be a bit hard for ye te drink, won’t it?” Murphy continued with a wry smile.

She chewed her lip and looked at them both seriously, knowing this was a turning point for her, to accept someone's help.

“It’s not that simple. I go through withdrawals, it's a rough ride for me and anyone in close vicinity. Are you really up for that?” She asked seriously, wanting to make sure they knew exactly what they were getting themselves into.

“What exactly happens?” Connor asked, looking slightly worried.

“In a few hours I’ll start with a fever, I’ll get really sick. I’m gonna turn into a real bitch, I’ll probably scream and shout at you, just to give you fair warning. I’ll get shaky, I won't be able to sleep for days. I’ll get really anxious, depressed and I won’t be able to eat.” She stated matter of factly, making it clear she'd been through this before. The boys were a little shocked, they really did not have a clue, and the worst part was she had done this time and time again all on her own.

“So, I’ll ask again, are you really ready for this?” She asked looking serious. The boys glanced to each other, no words needed before they looked back at her.

“Aye.” They both stated firmly. It wouldn't be easy but she would bear the worst of it, they could do this, for her.

“How long does it usually last for?” Murphy asked curiously.

“Usually for me, it starts the first day and gets worse. The first three days are the worst and then it starts to taper off. By a week I’m usually detoxed.” She shrugged as she ate whilst her stomach would still cooperate with her. The boys nodded, looking a little apprehensive. This was a big deal and they weren't sure just what to expect, even with her warnings. They just prayed for strength they would be able to get through it.

They knew it would be bad, she had warned them as much, but they really hadn't anticipated just how bad it would get or how rapidly things would deteriorate. Five hours had passed, after the first hour, Madeleine had been throwing up violently in the toilet. By the second hour, her mood swings had taken effect. Murphy had tried to help tie her hair up so she didn’t get sick in it, and she gave him an earful for being too rough. So when the darker haired boy looked to his brother and snorted a; ‘wow, she wasn’t kiddin’ about bein’ a real bitch.’ well, the girl didn't take too kindly to that. Despite her size, she had managed to tackle him to the floor and smacked the shit out of him. Connor was torn with laughing his ass off and helping, it was more than amusing for him to watch a tiny girl beat his brother's ass, but at the same time, the girl was clearly distressed. So he pried her away and tucked her up in bed. The fever started not long after and she had been in bed ever since, sweating buckets and tossing and turning, feeling uncomfortable. At some point, she had taken the sweat pants off and changed the long sleeve tee for one of her own tank tops. She couldn't stand how hot she was getting.

The boys felt bad for her, they sat at the table wondering if there was a way to ease her discomfort but they had no clue on how to deal with all of this, other than to let her ride it out. They sat there smoking as they watched her huffing and puffing in bed. She groaned, throwing the covers off her and standing and they had to avert their eyes at the severe lack of clothing she was wearing. She didn't seem to care and they knew it was probably her tortured mental state that made her not give a shit. She flopped into a chair at the table, wiping a hand down her clammy face. She didn't say a word as she took the smoke from Murphy's fingers, taking a long drag and letting it calm her ever so slightly. It didn't do much but it was better than nothing. Murphy blinked at her, squinting playfully before taking it back.

“If ye want one, just ask.” He said, quirking a brow at her. He was still a little put out she beat the hell out of him before. She hadn't done any real damage to him physically, she had only been smacking him, but still, his ego was mighty bruised.

“Can I have one?” She asked slowly, glaring slightly at him. Connor smirked slightly and covered it with his hand, he didn't want to be her next victim, she was being so touchy with everything.

“Didn't hear a please in there…” Murphy mused teasingly, inhaling some of his smoke. Connor barked out a laugh and shook his head, noticing the way the girl was staring at his brother.

“Ye want her te kick yer ass again brother?” He asked amused, but when she turned her glare to him, he abruptly shut up and looked down.

“Please may I have a smoke, oh mighty one?” She asked sarcastically, making him look to her with a grin as he handed her the packet.

“Much better. Yer highness would do too, just so ye know for next time.” He smirked, making her huff at him as she lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply. She was fidgeting in her seat, clearly uncomfortable and Murphy's smile faded.

“Is there anythin’ we can do te help ye?” He asked looking worried. She shook her head with a sigh.

“Not really. I just need to be kept away from booze, the worse this gets, the more I’ll want it.” She said softly before taking another drag of her smoke.

“It gets worse?” Connor lamented, looking at her horrified, she glanced to him and snorted, shaking her head.

“Much worse.” She stated dryly, leaning back in her seat with a sigh. The boys shared a look, feeling bad for her.

“How have ye managed te do this on yer own in the past?” Connor asked her, his brow furrowed. She put the smoke out and wiped a hand over her face. She was hot and irritated and getting increasingly pissed off at nothing in particular.

“Didn't really have a fucking choice did I?...Fuck, I’m sorry.” She sighed, hating how her emotions were all over the place.

“It’s alright, ye gave us fair warnin’ ye turned inte a bitch after all.” Murphy muttered, absentmindedly rubbing his head where one of her smacks had landed. She sneered at him and he recoiled a little much to his brother's amusement.

“Right, we have te talk te ye about tomorrow.” Connor stated, turning serious as he eyed her warily.

“What about tomorrow?” She asked confused.

“We have work, so will ye be alright on yer own?” He asked her, giving her a skeptical look like he already knew her answer. She knew she couldn't ask them not to go to work, she had already asked too much of them.

“I'll be fine.” She gave them the fakest smile ever and the twins glanced to each other.

“We’re gonna lock ye in.” Murphy said warily, worried how she might react. They couldn't just leave her completely to her own devices though, the last time they did that, she stole their booze and fucked off for three weeks. Her fingers were tapping on the table anxiously and it was grating on the darker twins nerves, like each tap was directly onto his skull. She just nodded, not arguing about it, she understood why they had to do it.

That night, the twins were sound asleep and Madeleine was wide awake. She was pacing the place, her fever was reaching a new high and she was sweating horribly. She was jittery and jumpy and she couldn't sit still, let alone sleep. She had managed to burn through Murphy's pack of smokes and now she was onto Connors. She kept thinking back to her bag and what she knew was in it, but then she would look at the twins and try her hardest to remember that she was supposed to be on the straight and narrow. She was at her wit's end, and she knew it was time for some dramatic intervention.

“Wake up!” She yelled, clapping her hands loudly, startling the twins awake. They shot up, looking around frantically and confused.

“The fuck ye doin’ girl?” Murphy hissed as he rubbed his eyes, it was still dark outside.

“I can't sleep.” She stated like it was obvious and Connor quirked a brow at her.

“So ye thought you'd wake us te join the party?” He asked unimpressed.

“No, I need one of you to knock me out.” She said seriously, shifting where she stood and chewing her thumb, she looked ready to crawl out of her skin.

The boys frowned and looked at each other before they stood up.

“We’re not fuckin’ knockin’ ye out.” Connor stated firmly, looking at her like she was insane. She looked to Murphy, she knew he was the one with the temper, the one who seemed more emotional, she zeroed in on him as her target. She felt bad, but she really needed to fucking switch off. She shoved him in the chest and he squinted at her.

“Come on Murphy, fucking hit me!” She yelled, trying to provoke him. He clenched his jaw and stood his ground.

“No.” He refused, shaking his head as he glared at her. She shoved him again, a little harder this time and he took a step back, she could see him starting to get mad.

“What? You not man enough Murph? Fucking hit me!” She screamed, making him glare at her.

“Fuckin’ stop it, are ye insane?” Connor frowned, pulling her arm to move her away. She glanced to Connor then and the plan formed in her mind, she knew exactly how to push Murphy's buttons, he was staring right at her. She felt bad she had to do this, but desperate times and all that, hopefully they'll forgive her in the end. She just really needed to sleep for a while.

She pounced on Connor, grasping a hand full of his hair as she kneed him in the nuts. He groaned in pain and fell down, and she heard Murphy protesting behind her. She straddled Connor, punching him in the ribs, she knew it wasn't enough to really hurt him, she wasn't exactly the strongest, but just as she hoped, Murphy grabbed her around the waist.

“That's enough ye wee crazy bitch!” He yelled, dragging her away from his brother.

“What are you gonna do about it Murphy?!” She goaded. She launched herself back at Connor and Murphy tackled her, landing on top of her as they wrestled. He was much stronger but she still put up a fight and then it all went black when the darker haired boy landed a punch to her face. Finally, for the first time in hours, she was still and all was peaceful.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Slip-ups and shamelessness**

**Two more chapters after this guys, almost at the endddddd.**

 

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When Madeleine woke the next day, the first thing she registered was the pain in the side of her face. She raised her hand and touched it gingerly with a wince. She would have a wicked bruise there. She remembered the night before and she felt bad she had to push Murphy like that and hurt Connor, but she needed the rest. She still had a fever and she felt like shit, but she was grateful that some time had passed, it was a step closer to detoxing completely. She got out of bed and noticed a note on the table.

_ Gone to work. _

_ We need a serious fucking talk later. _

She wasn’t sure which boy wrote the note, but both of them had a reason to be pissed at her. She just hoped they understood she wasn't really in her right mind. She sat at the table, noticing a new pack of smokes there with a disposable lighter, she wondered if they were meant for her, she took them anyway. She sat there smoking for a bit, willing the nicotine to ease her shot nerves. She didn't feel like eating, she hadn't been sick but she still felt nauseous and she didn't want to push her luck. By noon, she was out of her mind again and the insanity was slowly seeping back in. She tried the door, but of course it was locked, she tried to jimmy it, but it was no use. In the end, she flopped onto the bed with her bag. She was still in her panties and tank top and even that was making her feel too hot. She rummaged around in her bag and pulled the bottle of vodka out. 

She glared at it for a moment, there was a part of her, a tiny voice in the back of her mind screaming at her to get rid of it, that she would just end up back at square one, but the rest of her, well the rest of her really wanted a fucking drink. She unscrewed the cap and took a long pull, moaning at the relief she felt flooding her body. It was hard to remember why she was giving up the drink when it made her feel so much better. Her eyes caught the other thing in the bag and she swallowed thickly, closing her bag and tossing it away from her. No, that was something else, something she really shouldn’t get back into. She would just stick to the alcohol for now. 

By the time the boys got home, she was off her face, the bottle of vodka empty and discarded on the floor as she lay on the bed, her tank top gone. She was lay in just her panties and smoking, looking far more relaxed than before.

“Jesus Christ Maddie!” Murphy exclaimed as they walked in, seeing her topless like she didn't have a care in the world. He looked away trying to let her keep her modesty and Connor frowned as he looked to his brother.

“Did ye get too hot or somethin’?” He asked warily as the boys took their coats and rosaries off, hanging them up.

“I guess.” She slurred, standing up with great difficulty. They looked at her then, trying to keep their eyes on her face. She was drunk, that much was clear. She stumbled over to them and gave them a wide grin.

“Miss me?” She purred, batting her lashes at them all coy like. 

Despite their better judgment with the current circumstance, the boys' bodies reacted to her. She was a pretty girl, even if she was a mess. Her hair was in a messy bun that gave her a just fucked look that just seemed so appealing on her, and even when she was piss drunk, there was something alluring about her. A kind of raw tortured beauty. Connor scooped up her shirt from her floor and held it out to her, making her scrunch her face up at it. She took it and tossed it across the room. She stepped into Connor’s personal space, smoothing her hands up his chest and he had to fight to keep his hands by his sides, his instinct response was to grab her hips and he really didn't need to do that right now.

“I missed you.” She pouted, blinking up at him through her long lashes. He glanced over to his twin almost pleadingly and he noticed Murphy's eyes darken, watching the pair together. If he didn't know any better he would have said his brother was jealous. She looked to the darker haired boy then, grabbing his hand and yanking him closer to her and Connor. He went willingly, their eyes locking for a moment and she smirked at him.

“I missed you too Murph.” She smiled sweetly, making him swallow thickly. He was trying to fixate his eyes on the bruise he had given her, because when he did that he felt bad, and guilt was much better than feeling turned on right in that moment.

She looked back to Connor then and a small frown took over her face.

“I’m sorry I hit you in the nuts.” She sighed and he gasped when the hand not holding Murphys was suddenly palming him through his jeans. 

“Fuckin’ hell.” He bit out, peeling her hand away from him, no matter how good it felt. 

“Yer drunk Madeleine.” He said, glaring at her, trying to remember the issue here and ignore his dick that was now wide awake. She laughed and the sound was light and airy as she moved away from both boys. Their eyes momentarily went to her bare chest before they looked back to her face.

“I am and I feel fucking wonderful.” She grinned, biting down on her lower lip as she looked at them almost dreamily. The twins looked to each other and Connor shook his head, grabbing one of their shirts off the floor as he walked over. He yanked it over her head and she pouted at him as he moved her arms into the sleeve holes.

“You’re no fun.” She huffed, watching as he went to the kitchen and poured a glass of water. 

She sauntered over to Murphy and he stood dead still watching her, his breathing becoming harder. She slid her hands inside his shirt, her fingers stroking the skin just above his pants teasingly as she leant in near his ear.

“Come on Murph, we could have some fun.” She purred, making him groan softly. She smirked, tugging on his earlobe with her teeth and her fingers slipped into the waistband of his jeans. She palmed his cock and he moaned, a hand coming to cradle the back of her head, resting his forehead on hers. His breathing was erratic now and he wanted nothing more than for her to continue what she was doing, no matter how drunk she might have been.

“Murph.” He heard his brother warn from near the sink, and it lifted the lust filled cloud that had settled over him. He moved her hand and took a step back from her, his cheeks flushed as he tried to catch his breath. He couldn't even look her in the eye, he felt so ashamed of himself, the boys had no idea of her actions were from the alcohol alone or not and they weren't in the business of taking advantage of girls. He spied the empty vodka bottle then on the floor and went over, picking it up and showing it to his brother.

“Where the fuck did ye get it from Maddie?” Murphy asked with a frown, he was disappointed with her.

“It was in my bag.” She shrugged, swaying a little on her feet. 

“And ye didn’t fuckin’ tell us?” Connor asked harshly as he thrust the glass of water into her hand, watching as she took a sip.

“Well no. Hello? Addict!” She laughed, taking a long drink of the water before moving to set it on the table, she hopped up on it, sitting down. Her laughter died though when Connor grabbed her bag from the floor and she slipped off the table, almost falling over in the process. 

Murphy wrapped an arm around her waist to stop her from going to his brother and he pulled her back to his chest.

“Don’t think so.” He commanded, making her watch on horrified. Connor pulled out another bottle, whiskey this time and he shook his head, setting it on the bed near where he was now sat with her bag. 

“The fucks this?” He spat, giving her a harsh glare as he pulled out a small bag with what looked to the boys an awful lot like heroin. Her heart stopped at the look he gave her and she felt the arm around her tighten as Murphy tensed up. He spun her around, glowering down at her.

“Ye usin’ again?” He asked coldly, making her shake her head vehemently at him. 

“No, I’m not Murphy, I mean it. I bought it when I was out there, just in case. But I couldn't bring myself to go back there.” She admitted, her eyes watering a little. The look he was giving her was so gut clenching and she felt sick. The disappointment, the shame.

“Swear te me right now that ye’ve not used.” He demanded firmly, looking into her eyes.

“I swear Murphy, I swear I’ve not used in years.” She said sincerely. He looked at her for a moment, assessing if he believed her but he saw nothing but truth in her eyes. He glanced to Connor with a nod, letting him know she was being truthful. 

“Alright, good. But this shits goin’, we’re not havin’ it here.” Connor said as he stood up, walking over to the toilet. She looked on forlornly, leaning into Murphy a little as the lighter haired twin flushed it away. It was probably a good thing, having it with her had been a dark temptation looming over her, now it was gone, she felt almost lighter. 

“Now the whiskey.” Connor sighed, it seemed almost blasphemous to have to tip it away but they couldn't have it here, she wasn't to be trusted clearly.

“No! You don't have to, I won't touch it, okay?” She pleaded, trying to go over to him as he took the bottle to the sink. Murphy grip on her tightened to stop her going over to him and she squirmed in his grasp.

“It needs te go Maddie, ye know as well as we do ye’ll end up drinkin’ it.” Murphy lamented behind her. It was hard hearing the desperation in her voice. It made the boys anger at what she had done fade, making them remember she was an addict, she was suffering with an addiction, it wasn't her fault. As Connor poured the liquid away, she lowered her head, feeling a weight settle in her chest.

“Ye did good, we’re proud o’ ye.” She heard Murphy from behind her as Connor walked back over. Murphy finally released her then and she moved away, still swaying on her feet.

“Yeah right. You’re disappointed in me. I’m drunk.” She huffed, moving over to the bed and laying on it so the world would stop tilting on her.

“Aye, but that’s on us. We shouldn't have left ye on yer own and we certainly should o’ checked yer bag. Yer right, ye are an addict, and we should have known te fuckin’ check.” Connor sighed, angry at himself. He felt like this whole thing could have been prevented, now she had to go through withdrawals from the start once more and he felt guilty.

“Are you guys gonna kick me out now?” She asked sadly, blinking over at them. They frowned as they looked at each other before to her.

“Nah, even if ye did proposition us.” Murphy grinned, making her groan and roll away from them, pulling the blanket over her head. The boys laughed at her, trying to make the situation more of a funny one than the serious one it actually was. They weren't too good with that shit. This was certainly a fucking hurdle, but they had all learned their lessons from it. They were back to square one but maybe this time, they would actually be able to see it through and get the girl back on track.


	9. Chapter 9

The next two weeks flew by. The first week had been hard with the girl withdrawing, but the boys juggled their shifts to make sure one of them was always with her, making sure she was never alone. But the end of that week, she was detoxed and much better much to everyone's relief. It had been tense, filled with a lot of shouting, cursing and crying, but now she was back to normal and the boys were thankful, they weren't quite sure how much longer they could have dealt with such an irrational intense female in the loft. By the second week, she had managed to get herself a job. Connor had taken her to the diner and Joan had mentioned one of her waitresses was off on maternity leave, so Connor suggested Maddie for the job. Madeleine was more than surprised when Joan happily accepted the offer, she thought her past would have hindered her and she knew the older woman knew she had been homeless, but at the same time, the woman didn't exactly know about anything else. She was thankful Connor had not disclosed it to her.

 

So now she was a waitress at a diner, working when the boys did and things seemed almost normal. It only made sense to her then when she offered to the boys to move into the empty apartment next door. She felt bad for encroaching their space for so long, she felt bad for all they had done for her and all they had to put up with when she was going through her withdrawals. They told her she didn't have to, but she did anyway, she would only be next door so it wasn't like it was a huge deal, she would still see them every day. Joan had been kind enough to give her an advance on her paycheck so she could buy at least the basic furniture, like a bed. That was pretty much all she had in there now, but it was all she needed really. The kitchen already had the appliances in, although they were old and not the best, it was better than living on the streets and picking food out of dumpsters. 

She felt extremely close to the guys after all they had done for her, after they had refused to give up on her even when she was literally lashing out and hurting them. They had saved her in every sense of the word and she would never have words for how grateful she was to them. They were her best friends. More than that even, she had developed feelings for them over the course of the last two weeks and she wasn't sure if that was some kind of complex because they had helped her or what, but it was there all the same. Not that she would ever tell them that though, it was embarrassing enough that she had tried and failed to seduce them when drunk.

She just finished pulling her hair up into a ponytail when there was a knock at her door, she knew who it was without even looking, it was like clockwork every morning.

“Come in!” She called out, watching as the boys walked in smiling at her. She always told them they could just walk in but they never did. They were no doubt scared they would walk in on her half naked again.

“Ready?” Connor asked, giving her his usual grin. She nodded, grabbing her key before they all left. The boys walked her to work every morning, another thing they didn't need to do, yet they did anyway. She was grateful they did, it made her feel a lot safer. They couldn't walk her home since she finished before them, that was something they hated, but it wasn't something that could be avoided. 

“Are ye sure ye’ll be alright tonight Maddie?” Murphy asked, casting her a concerned glance as they walked down the street. The boys had not been to the pub since they had taken her in, staying by her side every chance they got. She couldn't be there due to the temptation and she felt bad she had put a stop to their social life. Rocco had been over a few times bitching at them for never being around anymore. So Maddie put her foot down, telling them to go out and enjoy themselves. The boys were concerned though, they were still wary of leaving her alone for a decent length of time, even though she was fine now and detoxed.

“I’ll be fine, I’ll just relax in bed and read or something. You two deserve to go and have some fun, you don't need to babysit me anymore.” She said softly, giving him a smile. He chewed his lower lip and nodded and she could see he was still unsure about it. 

“Well, ye know where we’ll be if ye need us, and we won’t stay out too late either, just in case.” Connor stated as he looked at her seriously. They were like mother hens, clucking over her. She knew why but she wanted them to see she was fine now, they didn't need to keep putting their lives on hold for her.

She was dropped off at work with two great hugs and she went about her day as usual. It wasn't hard work but it wasn't really easy either. It depended on how many people came in. Today was a slow day so she didn't have much to do, she was grateful for slow days like this. When she was done, she said her goodbyes and made her journey home. She couldn't believe how far she had come since the boys took her under their wings, she hoped she would stay on the straight and narrow from now on, she didn’t want to disappoint them. She was almost home when she saw someone she recognised across the street. Her stomach clenched at the sight of her dealer and she lowered her head, picking up her pace. She really didn’t want to face him, not after last time when she bought the drugs from him and never used them. The man had been more than pleased to sell to her since he hadn't seen her in a few years. 

“Madeleine!” She cringed inwardly when she heard him call to her but she kept walking, she knew it would be too easy to get home first thought and suddenly he had ran across the street and was in front of her.

“Hey sweet cheeks! Haven't’ seen you around in a little while. Surprised you didn’t come back for more.” He grinned at her, making her uncomfortable. He always made her uncomfortable, mainly because most of the time she couldn't afford the drugs he wanted to give her so he would ‘let her off’ with just sleeping with him for it, he had done that since she was underage. 

“I uh...I didn’t use it Nathan. I’m still clean.” She said carefully, trying to walk around him. He stepped with her though so she couldn't pass and it made her nervous. The man was quite unpredictable, although he had never been horrible to her, she had heard numerous stories. 

“That's good, I’m glad. I actually wanted to talk to you about something.” His words caught her off guard, last time she saw him he had been whining how she used to be his best customer and his favourite, and now he seemed pleased she wasn’t using. She just blinked at him for a moment not really knowing what to say, finally looking at him. He stepped even closer to her to lower his voice, his eyes darting around like he was scared of people hearing him.

“I want to get clean. I don’t know how to fucking do it, I keep trying and failing. I wanted to know if we could talk, if you could help me.” He whispered, once again shocking her. She felt apprehensive, he made her uncomfortable and she didn't really like him, but at the same time, if the boys had not taken a chance on her, even after she fucked up a few times, she wouldn't be where she was today. She felt some sort of obligation to pay it forward. 

“Uh… yeah okay, I can try.” She smiled warily at him, chewing her lower lip. He beamed a grin at her and nodded, still looking around nervously. She knew he was probably afraid of his boss or the others that worked with him getting wind of this, it wasn't something you could easily get out of.

“Fucking awesome! Can we go to mine? Privacy, you know?” He smiled, making her nod. She had been to his place a few times, it wasn't too far. She had no plans of staying too long though, and she certainly wouldn't be having sex with him this time.

The walk to his was quiet, he seemed fidgety and nervous and she started to feel bad for him. She knew it would be harder for him to get clean whilst his boss would be looming over him and she could just see how nervous he was. He breathed a sigh of relief once they made it to his shitty apartment above a convenience store. The place was a mess but she never minded, she was used to the streets. She moved to sit on the beat-up couch as he went into the tiny open kitchen area.

“Want a drink?” He asked as he grabbed two beers out of the fridge. Her face paled and she looked away, trying to will the temptation to go away.

“Just water thanks.” She muttered, making him curse himself.

“Fuck, sorry Madeleine, I didn’t think.” Much to her surprise, he put both beers back and came to the couch with two glasses of water, she was grateful for the effort he was making to not make her uncomfortable, he was like a different man. 

She took a few long gulps of the water, it tasted a little weird but she wasn't surprised given the state of the place, the water was probably dodgy.

“So, what is it you want to know?” She asked as she glanced at him. He started telling her how he had been trying to get clean for about a month but every time he did, he would cave, mainly because he was surrounded by it with his job. She was trying to listen, to pay attention, but her head started feeling fuzzy and strange. She blinked at him, trying to clear her head but it was just getting worse. She swayed a little where she sat and she noticed he was just watching her, a sly smirk on his face. She realised then just how naive she had been, he had drugged her. She scrambled to her feet to get away but her legs gave out, making her hit the floor and everything went black.

She felt a sense of euphoria, comfort, and warmth, she felt like she was floating as she tried to stay awake, but it didn't last long before she was back asleep again. When she woke up, it was dark outside, she felt groggy, still sleepy as she sat up and rubbed her eyes. She glanced around, feeling confused about where she was. When her eyes settled on Nathan on his bed, tourniquet around his arm as he lay there high, it all came flooding back to her. She glanced down to her arm in a panic to notice a fresh track mark and she stood up, her head feeling dizzy as tears pricked her eyes. He had roofied her and then injected her, getting her hooked on it once again. She couldn't believe he would do this to her. She had come across a lot of unsavoury people in her life, but to do this to her, it was the worst thing imaginable. She stumbled over to him and kicked him in the side, making him groan a little before laughing in the state he was in.

“Why would you do that?!” She yelled desperately, kneeling down to shake some sense into him. He was too far gone though and she stood up, running a hand through her hair and tugging at it before leaving swiftly. When she got back to her place, she curled up in bed and sobbed. She had tried so fucking hard to stay clean from that poison, it wasn't like drink, it was so much worse. The withdrawals were hell compared to alcohol and she knew she couldn't go through this again. She thought back to the boys, she couldn't tell them, she couldn't put them through this again, knowing just how much worse it would be. They probably wouldn't even believe her, they’d think she did this to herself. Her heart constricted in her chest as she wrapped the blanket around herself. 

She heard the elevator and then the boys laughing and talking, clearly drunk. She was glad they had a good time but her heart lurched when her door opened. She kept her eyes closed and tried to act asleep, not wanting to face them when she was like this.

“Think she’s asleep.” She heard Connor mutter, making Murphy giggle a little, she would have smiled if it wasn't for everything that had happened.

“Let’s just wake her up.”  Murphy snorted, she could hear him move further into the apartment but then some shuffling noises.

“Don’t be stupid, she’s got work in the mornin’, leave her be.” Connor chided softly. She listened as Murphy grumbled but complied and they left the loft, leaving her feeling empty and broken. Nothing would be the same now, and there was nothing she could do about it. 


	10. Chapter 10

**This is it guys, last one. Warnings for mentions of suicide and drug use.**

 

**\-------------------------**

****  
  


The next day when she woke up, she was already itching for another hit and she hated herself for it. She got up and dressed, getting ready for work almost like a robot, empty and void of anything. She was just doing her hair when the knock at the door sounded as usual, but she didn't answer. She couldn't bring herself to. She couldn't face them, she felt so ashamed of herself. She was wearing a long sleeve top to hide the fresh mark on her arm, she didn't need them leaving her because of this. They knocked again but she still ignored it as she put her hair up in a messy ponytail. She heard the door open and she glanced over, finding the boys peering in looking somewhat confused why she hadn't opened the door or told them to come in like she usually did. 

“Didn’t ye hear us?” Murphy asked with a slight frown, noticing how vacant she seemed and how she wouldn't look at them. He shared a look with his brother, the pair clearly concerned.

“Yeah, sorry. I’m just a little tired I guess.” She said softly, grabbing her bag. Connor walked over, pressing a hand to her forehead as he looked down at her concerned.

“Do ye think yer gettin’ sick? Maybe ye should stay off work?” He suggested looking worried, making her smile at him. These two boys were too good for this world, far too good for her.

“I’ll be fine. If I feel any worse I’ll come home, I promise.” She said trying to be reassuring, wanting them to stop worrying about her. He seemed satisfied and nodded as they all left the apartment. 

“Ye've got our work number, if ye need one o’ us te come look after ye if ye get sick, just give us a ring yeah?” Murphy said softly on the way to the diner. She glanced to him and smiled, giving him a nod. She’d never understand just why these boys took her in or why they had helped her. Not that it was much use now. 

They gave her the usual hugs and left her at work, she only made it a few hours before she told them she felt sick and had to go home. The withdrawals were already kicking in and she stormed over to Nathans place, she was angry and she was desperate. She pounded on his door for what felt like five whole minutes before he answered, only in his boxers and looking tired and disheveled. When he saw her, he grinned and she shoved him aside as she walked in. 

“The fuck did you do this for Nathan?” She asked harshly as he shut the door, watching as he sauntered over to the couch as sat down, looking up at her like the cat that ate the canary.

“I told you before, you’re my favorite. I don’t like you being clean and not needing me.” He smirked, making her skin crawl. She wanted to hurt him, to scream at him or something, but the desperate burning need for the drug was singing strong in her veins and it was drowning out all rational thought. He just watched her squirm smugly, knowing exactly what she needed but waiting for her to ask.

“I need more.” She bit out after a few tense moments of silence. His grin widened as he sat forward a little, a gleeful gleam in his eye.

“Always for you sweetcheeks. If you don't have money, you know what to do.” He leered at her. She grabbed some money from her pocket, feeling glad she could actually pay him this time and she saw how his face fell when she threw it at him, knowing exactly what he wanted from her. He regained his composure though and stood up, rummaging through a duffel near the bed.

“I want enough for the week, I’m not coming here every day. There's more than enough to cover it there.” She said coldly, making him return to her with a little more of a sour face. She had paid him a lot more than what it was worth though so he complied. She stuffed it into her bag and left before he could say another word. 

When she got back to her loft, she sat on the bed. She couldn't do this, not again. She couldn't keep using like this just to fight off the withdrawals, the high didn't even last now for her, in the end, she had been using just to be able to live as the withdrawals had become so unbearable, and now she was back to square one with this. She didn't have the fight left in her anymore to stay clean, not this time. But she had no desire to live a life hooked on this bullshit and become the empty shell of a girl she used to be, selling herself just to stave off the symptoms. She knew what she had to do, she was at the end of her rope now. She had tried, she had put up a good fight to give herself a better life and at one point she thought it might have been in the cards for her. A new life with the boys, but now she could see it wasn't meant to be. She was a bad person, this would always be her life. It was always haunting her no matter where she went or what she did, it would always come around full circle once again. She needed to break the cycle, she needed it to stop.

She didn't even realise she was crying until she sniffled and startled herself. She grabbed the little notepad she had by the side of the bed and started writing a letter, she knew the boys would be the ones to find her, she wanted to explain, to thank them for all they had done for her. To say sorry. When the note was written she set it on the pillow as she got the heroin out from her bag with shaky hands. She looked at it for a moment, her heart sinking. She wondered why she had been dealt this hand, why she had to go through all this and it had to end this way. She had been happy with the twins, and now that wasn't an option. She just hoped they would forget about her. 

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o**

The boys made their way home from work, they were trying to be quick so they could see Maddie. She had seemed so under the weather when they dropped her off at work and they wanted to check she was okay. She wasn't seeming like herself.

“Do ye think we should pick up some food or somethin’?” Murphy asked as he exhaled his smoke, glancing to his twin.

“Nah, let's just get back first and see how she’s doin’, she might not feel up te eatin’.” Connor replied, anxious to go back and see her. The boys had become pretty close to her in the time of knowing her, they cared for her a great deal, more than they would admit to each other or themselves. She was really making an effort and she was like a different person now. They felt good that they had helped her, and they both wondered to themselves just what might be in the future for the three of them once she was truly better. 

They made their way inside and once on their floor, they knocked on her door. There was no answer and they knocked again, it reminded them of the morning.

“Ye think she’s asleep?” Connor asked curiously, not really wanting to wake her if she was resting. Murphy was far too impatient though and he walked right in, his twin sighing and following after him. At first glance, it looked like she had fallen asleep sideways on the bed. But then they saw the syringe, the note, and their hearts stilled in their chests.

“No! No, no, no!” Murphy yelled, running over to her and dropping to his knees. He took her face in his hands, she was already cold and a strangled sob left his lips. Connor was by his side then, checking her over frantically like he couldn't believe this was happening.

“Madeleine! Can ye fuckin’ hear me?!” He panicked, when he touched her arm, seeing the fresh marks, his heart shattered feeling how cold she was. He darted off to their apartment to call an ambulance, he knew deep down she was gone, but he didn't care, they needed to come and bring her the fuck back, this wasn't happening. 

Murphy stayed there with her, sobbing pitifully as he scooped her lifeless body into his arms, cradling her like she might just come back to him if he did. 

“Why Maddie? Why did ye do this?” He cried brokenly, not understanding how this could happen when she was doing so well. Connor came back, his heart only breaking more seeing Murphy holding her like that whilst he cried. He was trying to be the strong one, trying to keep a level head for his brother's sake despite the fact he was dying inside. He grabbed the note, swallowing thickly. He noticed Murphy’s tearful eyes turn to him and without words he knew he wanted him to read it out loud for them, to have some kind of understanding of why the fuck she had done this after everything. 

Connors' voice wavered as he started reading the note, tears streaming down his face as he recounted what happened to her. She had written about her drug dealer lying, saying he wanted to get clean and how she wanted to help him, how he had drugged her water and then injected her with heroin when she was out of it and got her hooked again. Both the boys were sinking in grief and the rage that this asshole had done this to her, taken her away from them. She told them how she couldn't go through this again, she wasn't strong enough and how she couldn't put them through this once more, this time on a worse scale.

“ _ I’m sorry, and I’m sorry that you’ll be the ones to find me since you're the only ones who have ever given me a real chance. You have no idea how happy I was with you two, I wish things were different, I love you both so much and I wish you all the best. You two are angels. Saints in a world among evil men. You took me in and shown me more kindness than anyone ever did, and I will always be grateful for that. You gave me a taste of what normal life was like, so thank you. Please take care of each other, maybe one day we will meet again.  _

_ Maddie _

_ X” _

The boys were silent, letting it all sink in as Murphy still held her limp body close to his own, wishing she would just open her eyes and it was all a bad dream. It didn't take too long before the ambulance and police showed up. The boys recognised Duffy, the detective from when Maddie had been drunk and the man even shed a tear at seeing her like this, he knew without even looking at the note she wouldn't have done this to herself for no good reason, she had worked so hard to stay clear of the drug for years. Connor handed over the letter begrudgingly, knowing it might help if the cops could catch the fucker who did this to her, but he didn't want them to take the note, the last thing they would have of her. 

Murphy fought the paramedics who tried to take her, there was nothing they could do and he didn't want to let her go, he was sobbing and screaming at them to fuck off and Connor had to step in, helping them get the girl away from his hysterical brother. He held him until they had all left and they both cried, even though Connor was trying to be strong, he couldn't help it. Her death had left a gaping hole in both of their chests that would never be able to be filled. The future they once looked forward to with her, it was gone in an instant. They hadn't been there to stop it, to talk her down, to let her know it was okay and it wasn't her fault. To help her through it once again no matter how bad it would get. And now she was just gone. Nothing but a memory to them both.

**o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o**

**Two years later**

Nathan Carroll was an evil man. Once a petty drug user, he was now a big-time drug dealer, with even more evil under his belt. Pushing drugs onto those who were vulnerable and whenever people would try to get clean, he would inject them himself to get them hooked once more. He also had a thing for underage girls. But now the man that thought so highly of himself was on his knees, sobbing and begging for his life as he felt the barrels of two guns pressed against his head, the masked men hard and cold, not listening to any of his pleading. He should have known his time would come, that judgement would be awaiting him for all of his sins, he just hadn't expected it so soon.

The man behind him on his right jabbed the gun more in his head and the words he spoke with a thick Irish brogue shocked him.

“This is for Maddie ye sick fuck.” He spat at him, making his blood run cold. He had heard what happened to her, that she had taken her own life, he had been brought in and questioned over it since he was the one who apparently gave her the drugs. But they had nothing to pin it on him with, so he was able to walk free. It made him feel even more invincible. But he wasn't, that much was clear right at that moment when The Saints of South Boston had broke in and beat the shit out of him before getting him on his knees. 

 

They started praying and Nathan switched off, he knew this was it for him, he knew there was no way out. For the first time in his wretched life he felt bad, he regretted every choice he had made that got him to this point, but it wasn't out of guilt for anything he had done or who he had done it to, it was simply because he had been caught and now faced with his own mortality. The prayer was finished and then everything went black as he was sent to his maker to atone for his sins.


End file.
